Athlete Resources
7 Ways to Set Kids Up for Failure
When you’re raising a child, you want the best for him or her. We want our kids to get a great education, have opportunities we didn’t have, make more money than we made… We spend significant portions of our time and energy working to ensure that our kids have a good life.
However, in doing so, we sometimes inadvertently set our kids up to fail. Raising a child is hard because it’s not always the most obvious things that create the biggest challenges for them. Here are 7 ways to set kids up for failure.
1. Teach your child his needs are paramount.
We invest so much in our kids that if we’re not careful, we accidentally teach them that they are the center of the universe. When we do this, we set them up so that the person they most think about is themselves. When raising a child, we need to help him have a healthy sense of self-worth while also learning that a good life is an others-centered one.
2. Gossip a lot.
It’s easy to slip into gossip about the neighbors or that family member or the people who sit in front of you at church. And while we think it’s harmless, our kids are listening and learning. A child who sees her parents gossip a lot will learn to engage in gossip herself. When raising a child, we need to remember that kids listen more than we think. If we’re regularly using our words to tear others down, we’ll raise kids who do the same.
3. Never let her see you fight.
We often try to avoid arguing when our kids are around. The problem is, conflict is part of any close relationship, including the healthy ones. If our kids don’t see us model healthy conflict, they’ll likely struggle to argue well. Of course, this requires us to learn to fight well, too. Otherwise, we withhold from our kids the opportunity to learn how to do it.
4. Don’t talk about sensitive topics with him.
It’s normal to struggle to discuss sensitive topics with our children (think sex, politics, religion). We’re uncomfortable, so we just avoid it. But in so doing, we miss out on critical conversations that our child needs to have. When raising a child, have the courage to engage in the tough conversations. He may roll his eyes or complain, but your job isn’t to make him happy; it’s to offer direction in areas he needs your help to navigate.
5. Do everything you can to make her life easy.
It’s good to want your child to have a better life than you did. However, sometimes we forget how formative it was for us to have to work hard for a first car or stand up for ourselves in a social situation. It’s tempting to substitute easy for good. But we have to fight against that. Our goal is to raise good people, not comfortable ones. Don’t rescue your child from difficulty—equip her to navigate it.
6. Complain often.
If you’re the type of person who often complains in front of your kids, you’re teaching them that they are victims and that their only recourse is complaining. Not only is this unproductive, it’s annoying to everyone around you. When raising a child, it’s important to model a hopefulness that leads to right action. If the only tool you give your child in the face of hardship is complaining, you’re teaching him helplessness rather than empowering him to bring about change.
7. Spend your evenings in front of the TV.
After a long day, it’s easy to want to come home and get lost in a show or sporting event. This is fine on occasion, but doing it too often deprives your kids of the opportunity to learn how to have meaningful family interactions. When your kids have children of their own, they’ll be ill-equipped to engage well. When raising a child, how you connect with him or her regularly is how he or she will learn to connect with others. Your engagement can literally be a gift to generations.
Sound off: What other choices do we make that risk setting our kids up for failure?
The post 7 Ways to Set Kids Up for Failure appeared first on All Pro Dad.
Is It OK for Kids to Be Influencers?
A friend of mine was on vacation when she found out that her 10-year-old daughter had started her own YouTube channel. Perhaps even worse, her first video received a thousand views. Who were the viewers? They had no idea. My friend promptly made her daughter delete the channel. My initial thought was, How harmful can it possibly be for a kid to have a YouTube channel? Part of me didn’t feel like it was a big deal. I mean, would anyone besides their friends watch it? Then I came across a documentary called Bad Influence about a number of kid influencers. The documentary showed the darker side of kid influencers that made me consider it more.
Over half of young people today want to be influencers. But kids don’t know the implications and potential dangers of what they’re desiring. Even parents sometimes don’t know. Obviously kids can be influencers—there are many out there. But should they be? Let’s answer that question by taking a look 5 potential dangers.
1. Safety
Here’s a stat that should turn your stomach. The Wall Street Journal reported in 2024 that the followers of one particular pre-teen girl influencer was 92% adult men, many of whom take a sexual interest in children. This is common across the industry. If that’s not bad enough, the Journal went on to say that Meta’s algorithm “will then recommend users’ sexual content related to both children and adults. It will recommend child-focused accounts for the user to follow.” In other words, it will feed them more kids to follow and connect them to other people who have the same interest. The New York Times reported that one man even commented, “It’s like a candy store,” while another wrote, “God Bless Instamoms” for putting their kids on the app. Do we want our kids exposed to (or their images in the hands of) this many people who have ill will?
2. Pressure
Being an influencer may look easy, but it’s a grind. The pressure to produce daily content, look perfect, and maintain an audience is not something kids are equipped to deal with, nor should they. Dangerously, maintaining an audience often involves pushing the limits of what’s appropriate. They end up doing things that can hurt them and others. Kids need to be kids. They’re not developed enough to navigate what’s appropriate and what’s not. That’s our job as parents, to place boundaries around kids so they can grow and mature in a healthy environment. Unfortunately, it’s easy for parents to slide into the temptation of the next point.
3. Exploitation
Once the money starts rolling in, it becomes tempting for adults to jump on the train, and it becomes harder and harder to get off. A number of kids in the Netflix documentary Bad Influence were experiencing abuse. One of the moms interviewed said, “I thought I could protect [my daughter] from it.” But she couldn’t, and she kept her daughter in that situation. Why? Because the payout was too big. It’s hard to resist the temptation, especially for middle or lower income earning parents. In Hollywood, it took years to develop laws to protect child actors. Meanwhile, there were a number of casualties along the way. Just look at the laundry list of former child actorsw who’ve spoken up about how people who should have protected them actually harmed them. Currently, there aren’t any laws that protect kid influencers from being exploited by adults. The potential damage is high. Do we really want to put our kids or ourselves in this position?
4. Negative Feedback
One thing Jimmy Kimmel’s Mean Tweets taught me was that it doesn’t matter how great or popular celebrities are—they are going to receive negative comments no matter what. Unfortunately, this is also true of kid influencers. But kids don’t have the experience, perspective, or solidified identity to handle that kind of criticism. It’s dangerous to open them up to trolls and negative comments during their formative years. A 2021 study by Child Psychiatry and Human Development showed that negative feedback resulted in increased feelings of guilt and shame. All of that can lead to a lower self-image.
5. Social Media Impact
Social media is addictive enough, especially for kids. It’s had a number of negative effects on our kids, including anxiety, low self-esteem, and shortened attention spans. Encouraging them to be influencers only gives them more reasons to be glued to something that’s hurting them. Our kids need to know, as do we, that we were created with great artistry by a loving God. When they know that, it solidifies their identity and sense of belonging. It’s harder for them to know their unique makeup and beauty when they’re swimming in a social media world of comparison, critique, and cruelty. The social media world is something they need less of, not more.
Sound off: Is it ever safe online for kid influencers, or should we keep our kids’ lives private?
The post Is It OK for Kids to Be Influencers? appeared first on All Pro Dad.
5 Reasons You Matter As a Dad
I got a little emotional as I watched the 2024 Heisman trophy ceremony on TV. Colorado standout Travis Hunter won the award and spoke from the heart in his acceptance speech. He spoke straight to his father, praising him for all that he’d done in his life. It got to me. Dads matter so much in the lives of their kids, and the entire college football fanbase got to hear it directly from the nation’s best player. I posted on X, “Sometimes circumstances will prevent you from being present the way you desire but always fight fight fight to be in your children’s lives.”
If you haven’t heard it lately, you matter as a dad. Nobody can fill your shoes. Nobody will have the kind of influence you can have on your kids. You matter. There are seemingly endless reasons why fathers are important, but let’s focus on the big ones. Here are 5 reasons you matter as a dad.
1. No one can replace you.
I have played for some legendary coaches in my life. Mark Richt, Bill Belichick, Sean Payton, and John Harbaugh just to name a few. But none of them compares to my dad. He taught me what it means to be a man who prioritizes faith and family. We’ve taken mission trips together. He cares for my kids. I look to him for guidance in all areas of life. If he hadn’t been around, I have no idea what my life would look like today. Yes, my coaches taught me a lot about football, but my dad taught me everything about life. You have the chance to make this same impact on your kids because all dads matter.
2. Your kids look up to you, like it or not.
The world is eager to influence your kids. Beat the world to the punch and set the bar high for your family. Whatever matters to you will probably matter to your kids. So, take your role as a family leader seriously. Live with integrity. Model maturity. Be honest, caring, and generous. They are watching the way you treat and speak to others and taking note of the places you go and ways you spend your money. Envision what you’d like your kids to look like, act like, and live like in the future, and then be that person today.
3. They may be married one day.
Kirsten and I have been married for over two decades. We don’t always get it right, but we try to love each other well every day. I want my kids to see that I care about my wife, lead her, love her, and would do anything for her. My sons may be husbands one day. My daughters may be wives. Showing them how to act as a husband and what to expect from a husband is the ultimate gift. Like I said, I’m not perfect, but my kids are always watching, and I want the lessons they learn from my relationship with Kirsten to be encouraging examples.
4. They’ll act like you.
Coach Belichick was big on discipline. He was always focused on eliminating mistakes and minimizing penalties. We were with him so much that we began adopting that mindset. Likewise, kids tend to act like their dads. It’s likely they will spend more time with you than any other man in their lifetime. So, set the bar high for yourself, for your kids’ sake. Don’t lie or cheat. Be teachable. Don’t live in a way that would call your character into question. If you wouldn’t want your kids behaving a certain way, don’t do it yourself.
5. It’s one of your highest callings.
I’ve done plenty of interviews, played in the Super Bowl, and signed plenty of autographs. None of those things top my calling to be an attentive husband and father. There is nothing in your life that can outweigh your role with your kids. Dads matter more to families than CEOs matter to companies. When we get our priorities out of order, we risk neglecting our role as a dad. Making money is great. We all want to be successful in our jobs. But your highest calling is to take care of your wife and kids.
Sound off: What has been your best fatherhood-related memory so far?
The post 5 Reasons You Matter As a Dad appeared first on All Pro Dad.
5 Challenges We Need to Help Generation Alpha Face
Every generation faces challenges unique to them. Generation Alpha is the generation born between 2010 and 2024, whose parents are mostly millennials or younger Gen X. Among other Generation Alpha characteristics, they’ve grown up with smartphones and tablets, and they probably know more about technology than we do.
The world they are navigating is far different from the one we grew up in, and that’s having some negative effects. If we are going to help these kids, we have to know more of the Generation Alpha characteristics and the struggles they’re dealing with. Here are 5 challenges we need to help Generation Alpha face.
1. Few Coping Skills
These kids know more about mental health than any other generation, and they easily diagnose themselves and others. However, they have few to no skills for coping with anxiety and depression, for overcoming obstacles and setbacks, and for their general unease.
Helping them: Give your kids freedom to explore and overcome challenges on their own. Don’t be so quick to offer solutions or solve problems for them. Part of learning how to cope is having things to cope with.
2. Subjective Truth
Generation Alpha seems to have fully embraced the philosophy that truth is subjective. More than anything, they seem to crave authenticity. So, when the leaders of our government, private institutions, and religious organizations disregard the truth or lack integrity, it makes sense that these kids become skeptical of anyone but themselves. But there’s a cost to believing in subjective truth. They live without the security of systems and have no point of reference to determine what is right and wrong. So they are mostly guided by their feelings. There’s nothing solid to build upon, no guiding principles, except their own point of view (“their truth”).
Helping them: Teach your kids that we cannot trust our own hearts. We’re not perfect, not one of us. Jeremiah 17:9–10 even says, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” They need a solid source of truth. For me, God is the ultimate source of wisdom, truth, goodness, and life. He’s a sturdy and unchanging source. That’s who I point my kids to. What’s your source? To where will you point your kids?
3. Increasingly Complex World
This generation has more information about diverse cultures, beliefs, and sexuality. This is more conducive to pursuing understanding and empathy, but it also leaves them vulnerable to process overload and fear of saying “the wrong thing.” It’s a lot to navigate. This might be one of the reasons they desire to stay in school longer.
Helping them: Set healthy boundaries around the amount of information they take in. They probably don’t need more information. The less screen time my kids have, the more their behavior and overall countenance improves. I think it has everything to do with a break from processing all the information they’re fed. They need breaks. Build them in.
4. Isolation
Of all of the Generation Alpha characteristics, this might be the most damaging. Technology and COVID have lessened their face-to-face interactions, making them feel more isolated. Additionally, according to Springtide Research, “They tend to work individually rather than in groups, and exhibit leadership behaviors rather than being collaborative.” It makes sense, but it feeds isolation and the subjective truth philosophy.
Helping them: Generation Alpha needs face-to-face interaction. Encourage your kids to meet up in person and to put their phones away. If your kids are young, coordinate playdates with other parents. Set a tone for how important it is for them to live in the real world and build relationships there.
5. Negative Effects of Screens
Shortening attention spans, brain rot, addiction, information overload, comparison, bad influencers… The list could go on. Technology isn’t evil, but it does create new and complex problems to consider.
Helping them: Set boundaries around screen time. Keep the screens out of their rooms, and make them earn their limited time. If they have to do school work on computers or tablets, create public spaces in your house for that. More than anything, prepare them for what they’re inevitably going to see. Talk about sex, pornography, predators, online bullying, and everything in the first sentence of this point.
Sound off: What are some other Generation Alpha characteristics and challenges they’re facing?
The post 5 Challenges We Need to Help Generation Alpha Face appeared first on All Pro Dad.
13 Things Your Child Is Hoping You’ll Say
On a random day recently, for some unknown reason, our 14-year-old son abnormally took the initiative to clean the kitchen, do the dishes, and make dessert for the family. It was a pleasant surprise, and I made it a point to praise him by saying, “What you did today was awesome and appreciated. Thank you.”
As dads, our children need and desire our ongoing acknowledgment and involvement in their daily lives, especially through our words. In fact, there are some specific statements and questions your kids wish they’d hear from you. Here are 13 things your child is hoping you’ll say.
1. Watching you do _________ really brings me a lot of joy.
Your kids need you to celebrate them and their accomplishments. This makes them feel valued.
2. What was the best (or worst) part of your day?
Your kids want you to be interested in what matters to them. Because to them, your being interested in their interests is the same as your being interested in them.
3. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
You can never tell your child “I love you” too much. Unconditional love is the foundation of healthy relationships.
4. I forgive you.
Kids desire reassurance and reconciliation, especially when they’ve done wrong. Forgiveness, along with a big bear hug, can make your child feel like a million bucks.
5. Will you forgive me?
Every dad is going to mess up sometimes. So when you do, make it a point to acknowledge it and apologize. Your kids need a dad who can always be real more than a dad who has to always be right.
6. I’m so thankful to be your dad.
Sharing how special you feel to be your child’s dad can make your child feel just as special, if not more.
7. You make me a better man.
Kids like to know their impact on you for the good. Sharing practical ways they make you better makes them feel important and needed.
8. How can I pray for you?
Kids have issues too, and need your support. Prayer is powerful way to support.
9. You really nailed that. Great job!
Acknowledging what your kids get right rather than just pointing out what they do wrong will go a long way.
10. I’m proud of you.
When you see your kids choosing right or making a difference, these are great opportunities to praise them for their character and integrity.
11. What would you like to do together this week?
What kid doesn’t love the opportunity to be the decision-maker for the family? Giving your kids a voice with family time gives them a sense of possession over just participation.
12. Let’s play a game together. You pick.
Games are a great memory-maker, stress-reliever, and relationship-builder. Some of your best family moments can be made around a board game or in the back yard.
13. Want to go out to eat?
I’ve never known a kid who doesn’t look forward to hearing you ask this question. Like it or not, kids’ favorite foods have a unique way of making them feel more loved by us.
Sound off: What other statements or questions could you use to put a smile on your child’s face this week?
The post 13 Things Your Child Is Hoping You’ll Say appeared first on All Pro Dad.
6 Things to Say When Disciplining Your Kids
Before the 2024 college basketball season began, Kansas State head coach Jerome Tang dropped this zinger of a quote to the assembled media members: “It’s never fun disciplining your children, right? But the Bible’s very clear that the greatest form of love is discipline, and whom a father loves, he disciplines. So, a lot of people run away from it, and that’s never been one of my shortcomings.”
Tang has four children at home and 14 players in his locker room. He disciplines them all because he cares for them and wants them to succeed. At its core, discipline is love through guidance. But it can be tricky. Because we’re harsh or angry sometimes, they are not going to take our discipline in—but there might be a way to present it that will actually reach them. If you’ve struggled to find the right words when disciplining children, you’re not alone. Here are 6 things to say when disciplining your kids.
1. “I know this might be tough to hear, but I noticed…”
When disciplining children, the goal is to get the kids to receive your correction, not just hear your words. Kids might feel blindsided if you dive right into discipline. But prefacing it with “I know this might be tough to hear…” softens the blow. It prepares them. When we discipline this way, kids become more open to what we’re trying to teach.
2. “Sit with me.”
“Sit with me” tells your kids that you discipline them because they matter to you. Focus on connecting while correcting. Proverbs 3:12 explains why we discipline: “For the LORD corrects those he loves, just as a father corrects a child in whom he delights.” I want my kids to know I delight in them. So, yes, even though we are addressing something that went wrong when we discipline, we still delight in our kids. We still love them. So, get on their level. Sit side by side with them. Remove distractions when disciplining.
3. “We need to work on this because…”
When kids are little, they constantly ask, “Why?” They just want to know everything. They don’t grow out of that curiosity, so when we discipline them we should be prepared to give an answer when they ask questions. I failed to do this with my daughter when she was five, and it crushed her. She made up a story in her mind to justify my decision to discipline her, and it was far worse than reality. It caused a rift between us. Explaining why you’re doing what you’re doing provides clarity, which should reduce confusion and demonstrate that you care for your child. “Because I said so” isn’t going to cut it.
4. “I love you too much to let this continue…”
BJ Foster said something on the All Pro Dad podcast that stuck with me. His advice to dads dealing with anxious kids addicted to screens was, “If it’s not good for them, take it away.” Sometimes, we have to take away the things that aren’t good. Why? Because we love our kids, and sometimes we know better than they do what’s good for them. We can never tell our children we love them enough, and one of the goals in disciplining children should be to have them walk away still feeling loved.
5. “Let’s find a better way.”
Kids will respond better to correction when they know they are talking with a teammate. When disciplining children, there’s power in partnership. “Let’s find a better way” shows kids you’re with them in the fight to do better. When they are confrontational? “Let’s find a better way to handle that.” Don’t just discipline and walk away. Discipline and then talk, figuring out the best way to grow.
6. “You can do this.”
When kids fail, they need encouragement just as much as they need correction. Without it, discipline invites shame. After delivering the Ten Commandments to Israel, Moses dies, leaving the nation under new leadership. Joshua fills that role and encourages the people with a message. “Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go.” Joshua’s message wasn’t just “do what’s right.” It was “do what’s right with courage.” Joshua’s calming “you can do this” encouraged a nation to move forward. We should mimic this approach in our homes. It will boost self-esteem and reinforce the lesson.
Sound off: What did you learn from your parents about disciplining children, and did their methods do more harm or more good?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
The post 6 Things to Say When Disciplining Your Kids appeared first on All Pro Dad.