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The average height for a sixth grader is around 4’10”. The average height for a man is 5’9”. Therefore, if you are a dad of a sixth grader, then you are probably 23% taller than your kid. For perspective, it would be like your boss being 7’4”. If you have an average height 2-year-old, it would be like your boss being 12’8″!

In every way, to your child, you are a giant. So how do we leverage our size advantage and their huge dependence on us? I’m sure you are like me; you want your kids to remember you as a loving father. We want to know how to be a loving father. Here are 7 things your kid needs you to be.

1. Be calm.

When we aren’t calm in our responses, all our kids see and feel is our reaction. So instead of focusing on their own behavior, they are focused on ours. Remaining calm makes it easier for kids to listen and respond. It also gives our kids a sense of security, while modeling how to handle things that don’t go their way.

2. Be affectionate.

Affection from dads comes in many forms, but it needs to come. Wrestling, snuggling, and hugging are all good. It forms a bond that is hard to describe. My sons are now a couple of inches taller than me. I always ask, “Who wants a big hug?” They grunt and roll their eyes. I can live with the thought that my kids may remember me as someone who hugged them too much.

3. Be safe.

Our kids need to know they can come to us without fear of anger and overreaction. We need to be the first person they think of when something goes wrong. While I have many flaws as a dad, my kids know to call me when something has happened. So far, I’ve taught three kids to drive. Apparently, I’m terrible at it. I have received a combined total of five phone calls to inform me they were in accidents, two totaled cars, and only one accident was not their fault. But I remained calm; I’m good during an emergency. It’s the smaller stuff I struggle with. But friends, we want them to come to us. Be safe.

4. Be attentive.

You may be going through the stage of hearing “Daddy watch this!” a thousand times a day. That can be exhausting. But our kids need us to watch, listen, and love with our faces and attention. Have designated times when you are off your phone. I suggest not talking on the phone while they are in the car with you, at mealtimes, or while watching their activities and sports. Your kids need to know that compared to family, nobody else, nothing, and no job comes close.

5. Be warm.

“He’s a big teddy bear.” I love the thought of my kids describing me that way. Translation: “Dad was a big, strong bear, but he was also warm, soft, and reassuring. We want our kids to know how soft our hearts are toward them, and that even when we have to discipline them, the warm part of us doesn’t leave the room.

6. Be strong.

Our oldest daughter has always been a worrier. So often she would be concerned with things she had no control over. My wife and I finally started to reassure her that most of the worries were not her own. We said often, “Baby girl, that’s a big person problem. You don’t need to worry about that. I got you.” Our kids need to see our strength and resolve when things are uncertain.

7. Be gentle.

While in a convenience store, I saw a 4- to 5-year-old boy looking at candy while his dad was checking out. When he was finished, he said in a rough tone, “Let’s go.” The child paused for a millisecond and the dad grabbed him by the arm and said, “I said let’s go!” I don’t know what that dad was going through that day, but he could have handled it more gently. How do I know? Because I’ve had times when I could have handled things more gently. Kids are frustrating, and life is frustrating. But let’s breathe and work with all our might to be gentle giants. We will never regret having big patience and tenderness with our kids.

Sound off: Growing up, who was the gentlest giant in your life? 

The post 7 Giant Things Your Kid Needs You to Be appeared first on All Pro Dad.

It’s 5:30 a.m., and my daughter is awake. She is showered, dressed, and sitting at the edge of my bed, ready for school. School doesn’t start until 7:30 a.m., and she is only 10. She doesn’t like being late to anything, especially school. As a dad, I worry about why she is so anxious about being on time. Sometimes, it gets to the point where she cannot think and loses her ability to rationalize.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, 1 in 5 kids under the age of 10 will develop an anxiety disorder. Nowadays, anxiety is a standard part of childhood development. Recognizing the signs of anxiety in children and knowing how to help can make a world of difference. Let’s explore 7 symptoms and solutions for how to help kids with anxiety.

Excessive Worry and Fear

It’s natural for children to have occasional worries, but when what worries them is all they can think about, it’s one of the signs of anxiety in children. Dads can help by sending them outside to play, swing, or jump on the trampoline to blow off steam through physical exertion. Or create a cozy place with soft pillows and a fun book, or a daily “worry-free hour” filled with fun family activities. By providing this safe space, you’re teaching your child that it’s possible to take breaks from anxiety and enjoy the present moment.

Physical Complaints

My daughter tends to get these at night when thinking about tomorrow’s events. Anxiety manifests itself physically in children sometimes, as headaches or stomachaches. If your child frequently complains of headaches or stomachaches without apparent medical cause, don’t dismiss it. Kids don’t always know how to explain what’s going on inside their heads. Their thoughts can have an impact on their bodies. If your child gets a stomachache the night before every test at school, that could be a clue that test taking causes him or her some anxiety. To help ease some of that anxiety, ask your kid to practice some deep breaths with you or ask questions to get him or her talking about whatever may be causing the anxiety.

Sleep Disturbances

If your kid has trouble falling asleep, then establish a calming bedtime routine to reduce anxiety. Start by dimming lights an hour before bedtime to signal the body to wind down. Incorporate relaxation like reading a story together, gentle stretching, or listening to soothing music. Consistency is key, so stick to the routine even on weekends to reinforce healthy sleep habits.

Avoidance of Social Situations

Social anxiety might be at play if your child starts avoiding playdates or school events. Gradual exposure techniques can help a kid overcome this. Start small—maybe invite one friend over for a short, structured play session. Gradually increase the duration and number of friends as your child becomes more comfortable. Be patient and celebrate small victories along the way.

Difficulty Concentrating

Anxious thoughts can make it hard for children to focus on tasks. Help by breaking tasks into manageable chunks. My daughter performs well with a checklist for her chores. If homework seems overwhelming, divide it into 15-minute work sessions with short breaks in between. This approach can make daunting tasks more achievable and boost your child’s confidence in his or her abilities.

Sudden Anger

Sometimes, anxiety in children presents as irritability or unexpected outbursts of anger. You can help your child identify emotions and stress triggers. Use iMOM’s free Feel Wheel printable for ages 1 to 4 to help younger kids identify their emotions, and use iMOM’s free Feel Wheel printable for ages 5 to 12 for older kids. Encourage them to check in with their feelings throughout the day. This emotional awareness can help them recognize anxiety before it escalates to anger.

Clingy Behavior or Separation Issues

Is your child inconsolable when you’re about to leave? That could be one of the signs of anxiety in children. Separation anxiety can be challenging for both child and parent. Build your child’s independence through small steps. Start by having him or her play in another room while you’re nearby, gradually increasing the distance and duration of separation. Establish a special goodbye ritual to provide comfort and predictability during separations. In the case of my youngest daughter and dance class, my wife and I figured out that if we just left quickly, she would recuperate faster and be ready to join the fun.

It is important to note here that some anxiety requires the help of a licensed mental health professional If your child’s anxiety seems of concern, reach out to a licensed professional.

Sound off: What kinds of anxiety have you worked on with your children?

The post 7 Signs of Anxiety in Kids and How to Help appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Our middle daughter just turned 13. She is a favorite playmate of both her older and younger siblings and has a knack for making new friends most anywhere she goes. My wife and I suspect this is because of her childlike innocence, a quality we don’t take for granted, especially now that she’s in her teenage years. We see that there are things in this world that threaten her safety and innocence, and we know we need to be deliberate in protecting her.

I think every parent feels this struggle to some degree. As our kids grow up, they are exposed all the time to things that could steal their innocence. While we need to ensure they have the skills they need to face the world, we need to work at the same time to guard their hearts. Here are 5 ways to protect childlike innocence.

1. Spend quality time with your kids.

Kids crave time and attention from their parents. When you engage with your kids, talking and listening to them, taking them on dad dates, and investing in their interests, they will see in practice the ways you love them. They’ll feel valued. Your time and example will teach your kids clearly the ways they deserve to be treated by others and the ways they should treat other people as well.

2. Know who they’re with and what they’re doing.

As they grow up, it’s easy to get disconnected from our kids’ day-to-day lives. Get to know your kids’ friends and ask what they are doing together. Have them over to your house and learn a little about them. Don’t be afraid to have honest conversations with your son if you’re worried or these friends start to make bad choices.

3. Have “the talk.”

It doesn’t matter how much you try to shield your kids from things—ads and marketing are everywhere, giving very strong messages to our kids about their bodies and sexuality. This means we need to talk to them about sex and puberty much earlier than we might expect. They need to learn about sex from us before the learn about it on YouTube. Make sure that you and your kids’ mom are the first to explain the feelings and changes in their bodies, and make sure it’s not just a single talk but an ongoing conversation.

4. Talk to them about abuse.

It’s a sad fact that you don’t just need to have “the talk” with your kids, but we also need to warn them about those who want to hurt them. The statistics on sexual abuse are horrifying, and the fact that it could happen to even one of our kids is too much. It is critical that you share with your kids the goodness of their bodies and what to do if someone tries to act inappropriately toward them. If you’re not sure where to start that conversation, have a look at this iMom article on ways to protect your kids from abuse.

5. Pay attention to their media habits.

Since so much more media is consumed on personal devices, you might not be aware of what your kids are seeing. Find out which shows she is watching, the social media networks she frequents, and the music she is listening to. If you don’t know what a show or song is, there are lots of online resources for parents like Common Sense Media and the Center for Parent and Youth Understanding that can help you navigate the digital world. Talk to your kids about the messages they are seeing and hearing and how those messages are shaping their worldview.

Sound off: What are other ways to protect childlike innocence?

The post 5 Ways to Protect Childlike Innocence appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Five of the best years of my childhood were spent in a Norman Rockwell-style town in Connecticut. It was a safe place filled with kind people. There were certainly good days and bad days, but overall, I can’t remember one person I didn’t get along with. I also can’t remember any major difficulties. When I was 11 years old, we moved—and that’s when everything changed. Life in my new town was riddled with hardship and relational pain.

Years later, I was talking to my mom about it, and she said something surprising: “It was good for you.” After thinking about it, I agree with her, because overcoming challenges makes us stronger. At the time, I would have given anything to return to my idyllic life in Connecticut. Unfortunately, I think we do the same thing as parents. There are things we try to eliminate from our kids’ lives that are actually good for them. They may not enjoy them these things, but the result of going through them is something positive. Here are 5 surprising things that are good for kids.

1. Sadness/Broken Heartedness

When I was young, I heard a dad say he hoped his daughter experienced a broken heart. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. Broken hearts help our kids form a deeper sense of empathy, thoughtfulness, humility, and understanding. It engrains in them the ability to connect with people in their suffering and extend grace and forgiveness when they’re wronged. The love they’ll have to give will be fuller, which will improve their relationships, and in turn, their life satisfaction.

2. Struggles

Our muscles grow because of resistance. In a weightless environment, our muscles would experience atrophy. The same is true of our mental and emotional maturity. In order to grow strong, we need to work through discomfort and barriers. Facing and overcoming challenges builds kids’ perseverance making them more resolute. And one day, they’ll be able to handle any difficulty. As the Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 4:8–9, “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

3. Boredom

If there’s one thing I think kids have too much of today, it’s stimulation. If it isn’t screens, it’s the constant schedule full of one activity or another. There’s little opportunity to be bored. Boredom gives kids a chance to be creative, problem solve, or just sit in quiet reflection. It gives their brains a chance to reset and build their attention spans.

4. Waiting

I love how convenient everything is today. Answers are one click away, you can order products online instead of leaving your house, and you can despot checks from your phone. Remember how awful it was when our parents dragged us to the bank when we were kids? But with all the convenience, our kids are missing the opportunity to wait. Waiting helps us deal with delayed gratification and improves our patience and emotional regulation.

5. Failure

As I evaluate myself, any character I have was either created or bolstered in my failures as opposed to in to my wins. Failure establishes humility, encourages perseverance, and is the best learning opportunity. Failure makes us go back to the drawing board, study more, train harder, and come up with more creative solutions. We get stronger and smarter. More than anything, we learn about ourselves, our natural talents, our weaknesses, and our grit.

Sound off: How has overcoming challenges made you stronger?

The post 5 Surprising Things That Are Good for Kids appeared first on All Pro Dad.

When my wife and I followed the sound of our 10-year-old’s blood-curdling screams, we were surprised by what we found: our 4-year-old pulling her hair. Tired from her long first week at preschool, the 4-year-old mistakenly thought her sister had taken her cashews. We put her to bed early, which gave us the opportunity to spend the rest of the evening with our oldest daughter. Instead of giving us sass and wit, she was sweet, funny, and playful. I realized she had our undivided attention for the first time since her sister was born. And she needed our attention.

As a father, dividing attention among family, work, hobbies, mobile devices, and friendships can strain our focus. Balancing these aspects of our lives is critical, but if we’re not careful, we forget to give attention to our children. Here are 5 practical and self-tested ways to improve your focus on your kids.

1. Implement daily device-free time.

We all know devices are significant distractions but are used for good. To limit their use, I’ve started implementing daily device-free time in our household. This means setting aside a specific period each day, from 6 to 8 p.m., when all devices are turned off and put away. No phones, no tablets, no laptops. As a family, we engage with each other without digital distractions. Conversations at dinner became richer, playtime became more imaginative, and the overall quality of our family time improved dramatically. It’s incredible how much more you can focus on your kids when you’re not constantly checking your phone.

2. Schedule regular one-on-one time.

Another strategy I’ve found incredibly effective is scheduling regular one-on-one time with each family member. This includes date days with my wife during school hours and special “kid dates” with each of my daughters. Take the kids to a park, visit the library, or even ride bikes around the neighborhood. The key is that it’s dedicated time for just the two of you, free from the distractions of siblings or other family members.

3. Create and maintain family traditions.

Family traditions have become essential to how we focus on each other. We have “Friday Movie Nights,” where we all pile onto the couch with popcorn and watch a film together. We go to church together on Sundays and pray before every meal. We even have “Trampoline Time,” which allows our kids to exhaust all their energy before bed. Some are silly, but these traditions give us all something to look forward to and provide regular opportunities for focused family time. They create shared experiences and memories that strengthen our bonds.

4. Don’t interrupt when kids are sharing.

I’ve learned from my daughters that kids do not like being interrupted. It is a break in focus from their thoughts, and they feel we are not listening to them. As adults, we often have the urge to jump in with advice, corrections, or our own stories. But by doing so, we risk shutting down our children’s desire to communicate with us. Instead, listen thoroughly to let them complete their thoughts before responding. It shows them that their thoughts and feelings are valued. It encourages them to continue sharing with me, fostering deeper connections and better communication.

5. Prioritize and communicate individual needs.

Every family member has different needs, and it’s essential to recognize and prioritize these individual requirements. My youngest daughter needs quiet time to build her LEGOs or play with her dolls alone, while my oldest needs an imaginative storytelling game the whole family can get into. Come up with a way for each person in the family to communicate those needs, especially if your kids are older. Hold weekly family meetings to discuss their thoughts, feelings, or ideas openly. By acknowledging and addressing individual needs, we create an environment where everyone feels seen and valued. This, in turn, makes it easier to focus on each other meaningfully.

Sound off: What’s your biggest obstacle to focusing on your kids when they need you most?

The post 5 Practical Ways to Focus on Your Kids appeared first on All Pro Dad.

One of my all-time favorite movies is The Sandlot. Young Scott Smalls moves to a new neighborhood. His mom encourages him to get out, make friends, and even “get into a little trouble.” The movie is based on Scotty and his friends’ adventures on and off the baseball sandlot. While I would never tell my kids to get into trouble, I get it. When I see my kids lying inside on devices, it drives me nuts.

It turns out, kids not having unstructured time should drive all dads nuts. Just to be clear, we’re defining unstructured playtime as a time of no technology that is child-led and undirected by adults. Of course the definition of playtime varies by age, but in his book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, Jonathan Haidt explains how important unstructured playtime is to a child’s development. Here are 5 ways to encourage our kids to have unstructured playtime.

1. Reduce scheduled activities.

When our kids were younger, we decided to allow them to do only one activity or sport at a time. It gave us more time as a family and gave our kids time to be kids. Our kids are good friends now, and I think it is, in part, because they had unstructured time to play together.

2. Designate unstructured playtime.

Setting a specific time for your kid to direct his or her creativity and interests will greatly increase the chance of it happening. What works for your kid? Start small if you have to—just start. For example, do 30 minutes after school, one hour before dinner, or on Saturday morning. If there is no time in their schedule, you may want to consider point one above.

3. Provide open-ended toys and materials.

During the pandemic, my oldest son did something I still can’t believe. He gave his Play Station to his sister so he could teach himself to play the guitar with the help of YouTube. And he did it! His brother followed his example, and now they play together. While we want unstructured playtime to be self-led, providing open-ended toys and materials can prime the creative pump. Depending on your kid’s age and interests, think about providing things like blocks, playdough, art supplies, sporting equipment, musical instruments, writing supplies, construction sets, cardboard boxes, science kits, board games, and puzzles.

4. Offer safe outdoor spaces.

Jonathan Haidt nails it when he points out that parents are “often hyper-aware of ‘stranger danger,’ fearing random abductions. While that is a valid concern, the internet exposes kids to a constant stream of strangers often with less parental oversight than a situation where a child might be playing outside in their neighborhood.” As much as you can allow your child to enjoy the great outdoors, from sidewalk chalk to building a clubhouse in the woods, give your kid the chance to do what most of us got to do: play with some freedom.

5. Step back and observe.

The most difficult part of unstructured play time is might be not intervening with suggestions and improvements. Allow your kids to appropriately struggle with siblings and friends. Allow them to be bored as they are learning how to have unguided play. Allow them to do something in an inefficient or “wrong” way. They will start to learn to manage their own stress, imagination, and social skills. It may not be easy to watch at times, but hang in there; it will get easier for both of you.

6. Focus on the process, not the product.

Unstructured playtime will most likely not lead kids to grow up to be great painters, musicians, or athletes. Even in our achievement-based culture, proficiency isn’t the goal. Instead, the goal is to give our kids a time to learn problem-solving, get creative, gain social skills, practice resilience and experience wellbeing.

Sound off: How do you help your kid have unstructured playtime?

The post 6 Ways to Help Your Kid Have Unstructured Playtime appeared first on All Pro Dad.