Athlete Resources

Last summer, my son Josh lived with us, along with his wife and their son. It was a privilege to have that time together. At the same time, he was trying out for the Jaguars. One of the hardest parts of my job is cutting players because it affects their livelihoods. And it’s especially hard when the player is your son. As training camp wore on, I warned him that I didn’t think it would work out. He understood and kept a great attitude. Ultimately, I did end up cutting him.

Those were difficult conversations, but my son and I have built a relationship that makes conversations like that possible. One of the things I enjoy most at this stage of parenting is that my sons still come to me for my perspective and advice. This didn’t happen accidentally or from luck. It came from years of intentional thought and consistent effort. If you want this type of relationship with your kids, one your kids think is safe for having tough conversations and seeking you out for advice, then focus on these 5 things.

1. Spend time with them.

Much of the comfort my sons have in coming to me came from the time we spent together. The time spent fishing, being at school events, playing on sports fields, hunting, Christmases, birthdays, and celebrating milestones created memories and bonds. Our kids go through a lot of stages and changes, and we need to walk through it all with them. Making the most of these opportunities will build trust with your kids. Being a consistent presence now will make them want your presence in the future.

2. Model self-discipline.

This is something my dad modeled for me. If you tell your kids you are going to do something, do it. If you say you’re going to be there, make sure you show up on time. Set your priorities and boundaries. Be willing to say no to less important things so you can commit to your kids. Having self-discipline will model to your kids what’s truly important in life. If you do that, your kids will know they can depend on you, and that creates trust.

3. Tell them no.

You are the one who needs to teach them right from wrong. Establish clear boundaries, and hold them firmly. Love your kids enough to discipline them when they step out of line. Sometimes it takes them time to understand it. That’s OK. There were plenty of times my sons were mad at me because I wouldn’t let them go to a party or engage in things I thought would hurt them. Now that they’re grown, they’re grateful.

4. Sacrifice for them.

Success in our careers, friendships, interests, hobbies—there are a lot of things we want to pursue. Then there are times we want to relax and zone out. We will need to sacrifice some of these things for the sake of our kids. The sacrifices we make communicate to our kids that they are worthy of our time and attention. It makes them feel loved and valued. And they will always want to be where they feel loved and valued. Sacrifice your own desires and pour into your kids.

5. Surround yourself with wise people.

Somebody recently asked me what the best parenting advice is that I have ever received. Honestly, I couldn’t remember any advice I received, but I did have a lot of great examples. I watched other dads I admired, like my own dad, older players, and coaches. They all showed me the kind of dad I wanted to be. Look for those dads in your life. Surround yourself with people who are older, wiser, and have great relationships with their kids. Then follow their example.

Sound off: What else can a dad do now to ensure his kids come to him for advice? 

The post Doug Pederson: 5 Ways to Be a Dad Kids Come to for Advice appeared first on All Pro Dad.

My adult son recently decided it would be fun to play a game I like to call Parental Gotcha. It goes a little something like this. We are just hanging out, and he casually says, “Do you remember that time I told you I was at friend A’s house doing B? I lied. I was actually at friend D’s house doing Z. Gotcha.” Needless to say, friend A is still like a second son, and friend D still needs more adult supervision. This little revealing game brings up two immediate responses.

First, I’m inclined to wrestle him to the ground, and show him I still can take him. (Chapman, if you are reading this, you know I can. Gotcha.) Second, I’m prompted to remember that children are dirty filthy liars—I mean mischievous as they are finding their way. In all seriousness, if I had double-checked if he was really at friend A’s house, he might not have learned how to ______ at friend D’s house. (Chapman, aren’t you glad I didn’t fill in that blank?) That is just one of the reasons why, like our cars, regularly checking in with kids is a big part of being a dad. Here are 5 gauges you need to check consistently with your kid.

1. Friend Gauge

The older your kid gets, the more influential their friends become. Noticing who they are hanging out with and even dating is something you must continue to monitor. One of the best ways to keep a watch on the friend gauge is for you to be around them as well. If possible, make your house the hang-out house, stock it with non-nutritious food, and most of all, don’t be afraid to use your spy skills to listen in and watch. Can you say nanny cam?

2. School Gauge

The school system makes this gauge a little easier to monitor than the others. Report cards, student portals, and the like, give you almost too much information. But we have found that staying appropriately connected to teachers is really the best way to know what is going on with our kids. And if you want teachers to really keep in the loop, respond to them with gratitude and curiosity rather than frustration and defensiveness.

3. Sports/Activities Gauge

There is no doubt that extracurricular activities can be a very positive thing. But you have to monitor if the extracurriculars are too extra for your kid and family. For several reasons, we only allow our kids to do one extracurricular activity at a time. This seems to be better for them and is for sure better for our family. Secondly, ask yourself how the subculture of that activity is impacting your kid. We loved our son’s involvement in cross-country because the subculture was fun and encouraging.

4. Feelings Gauge

One of the most powerful things we can do for our kids is to ask them how they are feeling, hear their answers, and let them know we hear them. This is hard for me because my tendency is to do with their feelings what I try to do with my own: fix them. However, as author and speaker Jennie Allen says, “Feelings are not meant to be fixed; they are meant to be felt.” This doesn’t mean we teach them to be ruled by their feelings, but we should teach them it’s OK to have them.

5. Dad Gauge

If I’m going to be a good dad, I have to ensure I’m taking care of myself. Am I sleeping enough? Eating well? Exercising? Taking time to restore? Working too much? Spending time with my wife? The better I take care of myself, the better dad I can be.

Sound off: What is one gauge you try to consistently watch with your kid?

The post 5 Kid Gauges You Need to Check Consistently appeared first on All Pro Dad.

I wasn’t prepared for the first time I said “I love you” to my teen and she didn’t say it back. I was hurt. I mean, this is my little girl. I’ve said I love her to her daily—multiple times a day—since she was a baby. And as long as she could speak, she always said it in return. But now she was a teen. And she was dealing with all the awkward teen things. It became clear that my saying “I love you,” while still important, wasn’t always the best way to go. At least, I needed more ways to “say” it.

It will always be important to tell your kids you love them. But for a variety of reasons, you need to do more than just say it with your words. You need to say it with your actions. Here are 5 ways to say “I love you” to your child without saying it.

1. Encourage her.

According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative. That means your child nearly constantly has a negative voice in her head. More than almost anything, she needs an encouraging one. One of the best ways to say “I love you” to your child is to be a cheerleader for her on a daily basis.

2. Hug him.

Being a teenager is stressful, and it can be hard to know how to help him deal with it. While it certainly won’t solve it, a great way to express love and actually practically address his stress is to give him a hug. Physical touch has shown to have direct benefits on our nervous system, helping reduce stress and increase feelings of relaxation. If a hug is too much, put an arm around his shoulder or even just pat him on the back. Healthy physical touch is essential to human flourishing.

3. Share something of value with her.

What’s something you love? Is it a song? A book? A view? Share it with her. Sharing something you love is a great way to build connection. It often opens up opportunities for sharing stories and perhaps going a bit deeper around certain topics than you otherwise might. Then look for ways to enjoy things she loves with her. Again, it could be as simple as listening to her favorite album, going to her favorite restaurant or watching a show she loves together. These experiences help her feel like you don’t just love her but you like her.

4. Spend time with him.

If there’s anything dads are in short supply of, other than hair, it’s time. You’ve got a lot on your plate. This can make it feel nearly impossible to do more than a quick check-in once in a while to make sure your teen’s ok. For the most part, he understands this. That’s why it’s so powerful when you make time for him. Making time shows that while you have a lot on your plate, he matters enough that you’re willing to sacrifice something else to get just a few minutes connecting with him. And we make time for what, and whom, we love.

5. Serve her.

How can you serve your daughter? Maybe that’s an odd question. We don’t often think in terms of serving our kids. But to serve your daughter is simply to ask what would make her feel valued, seen, loved, and then choosing to do that. So perhaps that’s listening to her speech, even though you’d rather watch the game. Or maybe it’s offering to host the get together with her friends at your home or offering to take her and her friends to the game. The key is choosing to do something that is for her good even though it costs you something, and doing it cheerfully. It’s like shouting “I love you” through a bullhorn without saying a word.

Sound off: What are other ways to say “I love you” to your child without saying it?

The post 5 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ to Your Child Without Saying It appeared first on All Pro Dad.

“Daddy, can you buy me new levels?” my son came begging while holding my phone. As he saw the confusion on my face, he proceeded to tell me he was playing the dirt bike racing game on my phone and wanted to play new levels, which required money to unlock (cue Dad with the password). As I looked over the game, I notice a dozen levels he still had not played yet—and if he were to play them and win, he could unlock the future levels for free (not to mention gain more skills to help him win those futures levels).

It would have been easy to buy the levels and move on, but I wanted him to keep trying. Although it was just a video game, I didn’t want to protect him from a struggle he could eventually overcome. Our kids gain confidence when they push through a hardship and come out on the other side, so we need to provide them those opportunities. Here are 5 more reasons not to protect your kid from struggle.

1. It’s OK to fail.

A friend of mine told me, “Most mistakes in life are not fatal, and they’re not final.” It’s easy to feel like every shortcoming is the end of the world as a kid, but we need to show our kids how to learn from failure. My generation is often accused of overprotecting children. And sure, there is a lot to protect our kids from, but failure is not one of those things. By showing our kids they can learn, adjust their course, and try again, they’ll learn that it’s OK to fail.

2. Perseverance pays off.

Perseverance might be one of the most valuable skills our kids can learn. We all know life will bring difficulties and opposition, but through exposure to struggle, we can train this like a muscle so when our kids become adults, they’re ready to persevere. Inspire them with a story of your own about perseverance or take one from a person they look up to.

3. Everybody has struggle.

In today’s era of instant gratification and overnight success stories, it can seem like no one else struggles. It all looks so easy in a 30-second video clip showing the transformation. By giving our kids visibility into areas  we struggle in, we can show them that they’re not alone in this feeling. Your transparency with your child may even spark more open dialogue around other areas he’s struggle in.

4. Success today prepares me for tomorrow’s challenges.

I read about a study that compared math skills from two groups. The biggest variable from the study was the amount of time individuals spent struggling with math questions that were more challenging. The group that had more challenges and spent more time struggling to get an answer, far outperformed the other group by the end of the study. Each day they got just a little bit better and were more prepared for the next day’s challenges. Overprotecting children from struggle can, overtime, lead to a bigger gap in their learning and maturing.

5. You’re not alone.

Struggling isn’t meant to teach kids how to succeed alone, rather we want them to learn where to find success and what relationships can support them. David said in Psalm 16:8, “I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.” By trusting God, confiding in friends, and finding a good mentor, our kids can stay encouraged during struggles.

Sound off: What are some examples you’ve seen of parents overprotecting children?

The post 5 Reasons Not to Protect Your Kid From Struggle appeared first on All Pro Dad.

“Daddy, am I still killing you?” One night, my 4-year-old asked me this question as I put her to bed. The saddened look on her face told me  I had hurt her feelings in some way. She told me how, earlier in the day, I kept saying to her and her sister that they were killing me when they left their magnetic tiles around the house, stepped into the pile of debris I swept, or spilled a drink off the table. I realized I was unconsciously voicing my frustration by telling my kids that their behavior was “killing me,” and my 4-year-old took it literally. I felt like the worst father in the world.

As dads, we’ve all been there—your kid is acting out, and you struggle to respond constructively. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to resort to unhelpful phrases that only escalate the situation. Let’s take a look at 5 common responses to avoid and how to respond when your kids misbehave.

1. “Listen to me.”

It’s easy to shout this out in frustration when your child isn’t following instructions. However, demanding that your kids listen is unlikely to achieve the desired result. I often make this mistake because I am busy doing something else, and it’s easier to bark orders, but this can lead to power struggles and further defiance. A more effective approach is to get down to the child’s level, make eye contact, and explain your instructions clearly and calmly.

2. “Why did you do that?”

Even with adults, asking “why” questions can often come across as accusatory or aggressive, putting them on the defensive. Children can’t always explain their behavior, especially younger ones. Instead of interrogating them, focus on addressing the behavior and redirecting them to more positive actions. Tell them WHAT they can do instead of asking WHY they did the wrong thing.

3. “What’s wrong with you?”

This statement is hurtful and implies something is inherently wrong with your child, which can damage his or her self-esteem. Children may misbehave due to unmet needs, emotional instability, or a lack of understanding. Rather than attacking their character, try to understand the underlying causes of their behavior, and address them with empathy and guidance.

4. “Behave and you can have…”

Bargaining with your kids may work in the short term, but it can reinforce the idea that good behavior is only motivated by rewards rather than instilling intrinsic values. From experience, it can lead to a cycle of constantly needing to offer rewards to maintain desired behavior. My 9-year-old still asks me to tell her a story while we eat because that is how I rewarded her as a younger child for eating her food. Instead, focus on setting clear expectations and praising positive behaviors when they occur naturally.

5. “You’re driving me crazy!”

This unconscious response of frustration may make your child feel guilty for causing you distress. Instead, take a moment to calm down and collect your thoughts before responding. It’s OK to acknowledge your feelings, but do so constructively, such as, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Let’s take a break and come back to this.” I started taking deep breaths before responding to my kids, and it has helped my responses tremendously.

Sound off: Do you know how to respond when your kids misbehave? What works well for you? 

The post 5 Unhelpful Responses When Your Kids Are Misbehaving appeared first on All Pro Dad.

My son Connor is a freshman in high school, and one of his goals is to play college baseball. He started to switch-hit three years ago and has had a rough go with it. He had every reason to quit because he was a good right-handed hitter, but he knew if he could hit from both sides of the plate, it would increase his value. He continued to work at it, and this year he finally saw the fruits of his labor. He led his JV team in almost every offensive category and 90% of his at-bats came left-handed.

From a young age, kids like to take risks. It’s in their blood. They want to run faster, jump higher, test their limits, and be recognized for what they do. Kids don’t dream about being average or settling for second best. I remember those feelings when I was growing up and now, I get to watch it first-hand being a father. Great parents encourage their kids to take risks and the benefits last a lifetime. Here are 3 benefits of risk-taking at a young age.

1. Courage

Taking a risk is not an easy decision. If it is, it’s really not a risk, is it? Deciding to take that first step is a big deal and it takes a lot of courage. This is a trait that is extremely important for kids to develop. It will benefit them in school, in extracurricular activities, and their future careers. Risk-taking is not just about your kid deciding if he wants to jump off a tire swing into the lake. It’s about having the guts to make the decision and finding out if the result was worth it.

2. Experiencing and Overcoming Failure

Just like Connor grinding through 3 years of mediocre results on the field, your kids will go through both good and bad experiences when they take risks. This is also where you step in as parents by being a positive encouragement to your child. Connor literally doubled his batting average from last season, and part of it was because he had coaches who believed in him and gave him the freedom to fail. When your kids know they have the freedom to fail, they will continue to take risks.

3. Problem Solving

Sometimes, when your kids take a risk, they find out the result wasn’t exactly what they wanted. This allows them to problem solve to help decide on what to do next. In a critical situation, they may need to formulate a quick solution, so developing the ability to problem solve is important.

Sound off: What are some other possible benefits of risk taking?

The post 3 Skills Kids Gain When They Take Risks appeared first on All Pro Dad.