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Vicki Caruana, author of Giving Your Child the Excellence Edge, explains time management like this: “If we don’t plan how we are going to spend our time, we will end up running around from one activity to another without any purpose in life. It’s the difference between being a reactive person and a proactive person. A reactive person can only react to situations, and consequently, their lives are full of stress. On the other hand, a proactive person plans his time and is able to keep his stress level to a low roar. According to Webster’s Dictionary, a manager is “one who is at the head of an undertaking.” When you manage your time, it doesn’t manage you.

The key to teaching your children how to manage their time is to help them prioritize. What are the things your family values most? If it is family time, how much of a priority do you give to having a weekly family night? How often does your family eat dinner together? As you help your children prioritize their schedules, think about what is important enough to commit time to each day, whether it is family time, school studies, and extracurricular activities or just play time. In addition, Caruana offers these 4 basic steps for teaching kids time management skills.

1. Plan with a calendar.

Use an online calendar or even purchase a basic calendar or planner for each child so your kids can write down each day’s school assignments and commitments. And make sure your children are working in advance on projects and tests. For example, if your child has a book report due, divide up the pages of the book into how many days he has to read it, and then have him enter those reading assignments on his calendar. Make sure your children are using their calendars to plan ahead and set goals, not to procrastinate.

2. Set a morning schedule.

Mornings are often hectic, but it is important to make sure that your children leave on time each day. Caruana points out that in addition to the importance of being on time for school, you are teaching them to be responsible for their time and preparing them for the world of work. If you find that mornings are too chaotic in your home, consider having a checklist for the night before that includes having school clothes ready, homework and supplies put into their bags, lunches made, etc.

3. Use deadlines.

Use your children’s responsibilities as tools for teaching them how to meet deadlines. Caruana says, “Look for ways to increase opportunities for practice in this area. Use a timer for homework or chores. Set up a system of rewards and consequences if your child doesn’t take to deadlines willingly. Work with your child’s teacher to help him meet school-imposed deadlines…”

4. Schedule “outside” time.

Children are bombarded with entertainment options—from television to video games to the Internet. But how much time do your kids spend outdoors? Encourage your kids to play outside each day, doing something active such as riding a bike or playing with friends. If necessary, set limits on how much time each day they are allowed to watch television or use the computer. Perhaps this is a way you can incorporate family time into their schedules. Instead of sitting around the television together after dinner, go for a family bike ride. Teach your children to make the most of their time—even their free time.

While incorporating these steps into your children’s routines may take getting used to, teaching your children valuable time management skills will help them succeed not only in school but in life as well.

Sound off: How do you prioritize your day?

This article was taken with permission from the book Giving Your Child the Excellence Edge by Vicki Caruana.

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Where does the time go? How can I learn to manage my time better if I can’t even find out where it went? There are days I look over my to-do list and am floored by how much I didn’t get done. So the leftover items from Monday get pushed to Tuesday and then Wednesday, and before you know it, Friday’s list looks so overwhelming you’d think I have 20 kids instead of two.

So, what’s the secret to an effective time management plan? The answer is in the name: You need a plan. But before you start making charts and setting timers, here are the 10 most important things to remember about time management.

1. It’s easier to manage your time when you know your priorities.

Unless you resolve to live by your own priorities (the ones you’ve set to run your household), you’ll wear yourselves out trying to meet the demands and expectations of others.

2. You can’t stop time.

You, like everyone else, have 60 minutes in each hour, 24 hours in each day. Time is made up of moments, and moments are manageable.

3. You choose how you spend your time.

The minutes of your days come with a choice: Only you can decide how you’ll spend them. It’s helpful to think a day ahead when you’re making this choice. Sometimes, when we wait and see where the day takes us, it only takes us to a place where we’re scatterbrained and unproductive.

4. Keep first things first.

Don’t let the things that matter least to you rob time from the things that matter most to you. Scrolling the internet, unproductive thinking, and a disorganized house are all time thieves. Don’t give them a higher rank than your health or family.

5. Every minute matters.

There is no such thing as unimportant time. Each moment is a gift.

6. A good time management plan can make you feel like you’ve multiplied your minutes.

As you become the manager of your time, you’ll begin saving hours. Just like poor time management can cause the hours to slip away, a good plan can lead to feeling like you’ve gained an hour or two.

7. Even good plans can fail.

Be flexible. Unexpected events can interrupt the best routines. Bend with the interruption instead of resisting it.

8. Yes is a decision. So is no.

When you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else. Don’t let it be your family.

9. Efficiency is helpful, but don’t make it an idol.

When you become more efficient at performing the tasks you must do, like cleaning the bathroom or packing lunches (not in that order), you have more time for the things that matter most to you. But don’t strive for efficiency in the moments that need your time and attention, like dinner around the table.

10. You set the tone.

How you carry out each 24-hour day can make the difference between a household in a constant uproar and one that hums along smoothly. Your kids will respond to your attitude, pace, and demeanor. Remember that when you’re making your time management plan. If it stresses you out, it’ll stress your kids out, too.

Sound off: What’s your best time management tip?

Used with permission from The Busy Mom’s Guide to a Happy, Organized Home by Kathy Peel.

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Before I started writing for All Pro Dad and helping with the podcast, I spent many years working in local television news. I was a sports and feature reporter, covering exciting events like the Super Bowl, NCAA Tournament, and more. I got pretty good at it and was encouraged by a veteran colleague to enter a few of my higher-quality stories for awards. By the time I left the business, I’d won multiple Associated Press and Emmy Awards. I was grateful to win them but noticed a change in my attitude. I’d begun to chase recognition. Doing the job well wasn’t enough anymore. It was replaced with a desire to stack more trophies for my mantle.

I was chasing all the wrong goals, and I don’t want my kids to make similar mistakes. Now is the best time to teach them which goals are worth chasing and which are not. Even if you’re still trying to figure it all out yourself, leaving our kids to get it right on their own isn’t a great strategy. You may prevent future heartache by talking through their pursuits today. Here are 5 goals our kids should stop chasing.

1. Piles of Money

away as possible. But most people who aspire to Scrooge McDuck level money aren’t looking to distribute it. They want to hoard as much as possible, usually thinking having more of it means their problems will disappear. That rarely happens. Teach your kids that money is a tool for blessing, but it can also easily corrupt them. 1 Timothy 6:10 says, “The love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.” When we accumulate it in hopes of gaining status, material things, or just to flaunt, that’s when we’ve gone astray. Chasing money is not a good goal for kids, unless they want to bless others with it.

2. Fame

When asked in a 2019 Harris poll about their top career interest, nearly 30% of the kids aged 8–12 listed “YouTuber.” Why? I speculate it’s because it would get more eyes on them and achieve a certain level of “fame.” Every like and new subscriber is a tiny hit of dopamine, and kids crave that. But, Matthew 6:21 warns that “where your treasure is, your heart will be also.” If you’re treasuring being famous or liked, affirmed, and admired by others, sometimes even by complete strangers online, that’s problematic. It hasn’t satisfied people who achieved it, like Justin Bieber, who once said in an interview, “This life can rip you apart.” Fulfillment doesn’t come from fame but rather from understanding that you are valuable because God made you and loves you.

3. The “Ideal” Appearance

Boys tend to want big muscles. Girls, a tiny waist. Kids buy into the trap that if you just look, act, dress, or sound a certain way, you’ll be considered cool and attractive. If your kids desire to bulk up or wear more makeup, ask them why. For vanity? To fit in? Remind them there is no “ideal” way to look. I believe we are called to take care of the body God has given us. That includes our heart and mind. Kids honor their bodies by aspiring to make them as healthy as possible and realizing none of them look the same by design.

4. Sex

Dating is part of growing up, and for many that includes pressure to have sex. It’s easy to make having sex a goal in young relationships, especially since movies, music, and pop culture portray sex as an easy, consequence-free physical activity. As parents, it’s our job to explain to kids that sex isn’t some casual goal to chase, but something special reserved for people in marriage. Doing it for the wrong reasons, like physical gratification, fitting in, or to meet some cultural expectation will leave them unfulfilled and possibly hurt.

5. Perfection

Around 60 percent of teens feel the pressure to look perfect, according to a YMCA study. Social media filters on platforms like Snapchat and Instagram makes that unattainable goal seem attainable. But perfection shouldn’t be on any list of goals for kids. The pressure to have everything look just right is real. Kids want perfect grades, friends, appearance, image, and more. The truth is, they can’t be perfect. Nobody can. And that’s OK. Admitting our faults, forgiving others, striving to care for others no matter what they think of us is the mark of a mature person.
Sound off: Have you ever achieved a goal only to realize it wasn’t what you expected?

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Several years ago, a friend’s son’s favorite game to play was Fortnite, a shooter game. One of the draws of this game is the ability to purchase added features like the overall look of your character, tools, dance moves, and many other possibilities. I asked my friend if he was nervous about his son’s access to purchasing things on his debit card. He assured me that he and his son made a deal that he would ask permission before purchasing anything. However, as he reconciled his checking account one month, he noticed a number of unauthorized purchases that stretched several weeks back. Unfortunately for my friend, his son’s unauthorized purchases totaled around $2,000.

My friend realized he needed to change the boundaries around gaming. His son lost the ability to play Fortnite and his Xbox got locked away for months. Boundaries keep our kids safe, but they aren’t meant to be stationary. They need to be refined, adjusted, or all together removed in order to be effective. Failing to do so can cause unnecessary pain, resentment, and distance with our kids. Sometimes it can be difficult to know when to make the adjustments. Here are 5 signs you need to change your boundaries with your kids.

1. They’ve moved into a new phase.

As kids get older, they need to be given more freedom to test and explore. Without more freedom, they won’t gain self-confidence or learn responsibility or how and when to take risks. This can be difficult for parents because it means watching your child struggle and make mistakes. No one wants to watch their kids experience pain, but they have to if they are ever going to stand on their own.

2. They’ve earned your trust or lost it.

If your kids have shown continually that they are trustworthy, it may be time to give them more freedom. Jesus said in Luke 12:48, “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” Giving kids more freedom means asking more of them. When they’ve earned our trust, we need to give them the opportunity to earn more by holding more responsibility for themselves. And when they fail, there’s grace, but there may be a need to pull those freedoms back.

3. They give constant pushback.

Kids are going to push back on boundaries. It’s natural. However, if you are facing constant pushback about one particular boundary, it might be time to rethink it. Have an open mind and evaluate it as clearly as possible. What is the boundary supposed to accomplish? Is it doing that? What changes might work better? Doubling down on the wrong parameters for your child can lead to the next point.

4. Your relationship is suffering.

Is your relationship with your kid suffering because of a certain boundary? Is it worth it to continue? The best way to influence your kids is to build a good relationship with them. When we lose that, we lose the voice in their lives. Now, there’s going to be time when our boundaries are going to make them upset, but there’s a difference between being momentarily frustrated and the relationship suffering. If your relationship is struggling, talk to your kid openly about the boundary. Listen to what your child says. Affirming your kids’ frustrations can go a long way. Then ask them what they would do if they were in your shoes.

5. They rebel.

There are two ways you can go when your kids are rebelling. One, you can tighten the screws. It makes sense. They had freedom, they violated it, and therefore the freedom is taken away or reduced with more boundaries. That’s where I would start, while keeping the last point in mind. But if the rebelling continues, you may need to make a difficult decision. You may need to remove the boundaries and let your child face the full consequences of his or her decisions. The stakes are high, so seek out the wisdom of friends and perhaps professionals who are aware of your situation and know your child.

Sound off: What is your biggest struggle with setting up boundaries or adjusting them?

The post 5 Signs You Need to Change Your Boundaries With Your Kids appeared first on All Pro Dad.

As a kid with ADHD before it had a name, I struggled. I would blurt things out at school and home. I was told much more than most kids to watch out, wait my turn, pay attention, and stop talking. While my behavior was understandably frustrating to adults, it was embarrassing and shameful for me.

But I’m so grateful for the adults in my life who, for some reason, could still see the best in me. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few teachers proved to me time and time again that they not only loved me, but they liked me. They saw the best in me. I’ve always imperfectly strived to be that kind of dad to my kids. Here are 5 ways to see the best in your kids.

1. Look your kid in the face.

Neuroscience studies have shown that making eye contact with someone activates empathy centers in your brain. So look your kids in the eye. See the same eyes you saw the day they were born. Treasure their perfect faces. No phone, job, or distraction deserves our glances and gazes more than our kids.

2. Laugh at your kid’s attempts at humor.

Most of our kids turn to us at the pool and say, “Watch this!” In the same way, when they are attempting and often failing at being funny, they are saying “watch this.” When your kid is being funny, silly, or is just happy, remember to smile, delight, and laugh with him or her. When your kids are rejoicing, rejoice back. It’s good for both your souls.

3. Ask your kid questions.

I learned a huge lesson in youth ministry: Questions are the way to the heart of a kid. Questions communicate that you value and care about what your kid thinks, their likes and dislikes, their joys and heartaches.

4. Point out your kid’s strengths.

“You are great at drawing.” “I love the way you treat your sister.” “You always try hard at baseball practice.” “You have a good heart.” As you point out their strengths, focus more on their character than their performance.

5. Remember your own journey.

We see our kids’ behavior through the lens of the adult we are today, but it can be helpful for us to rewind and remember what knuckleheads we were growing up. Like our kids, we were walking around without much of a frontal lobe. It’s helpful to ask, “If I had gone through this same thing as a kid, how would I have wanted my dad to respond?”allprodad

Sound off: How do you bring out the best in kids?

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Parenting styles gain popularity and end up impacting an entire generation of kids. Unfortunately, we don’t see the results until much later. One of the most popular parenting styles these days is intensive parenting, and studies are beginning to show some negative results. And I’ve definitely had some habits that are part of this parenting style. Should I have been doing something different? Have I been unintentionally doing things that are unhelpful, or potentially damaging?

Are you an intensive parent? What defines this parenting style, and what is it doing to our kids? Let’s answer those questions to make sure we are setting our kids up well. This is what intensive parenting is and its effects.

What is intensive parenting?

Intensive parenting is predominantly kid-centric. The underlying belief is that parents’ most important focus should be the development of their kids. So, intensive parents are super involved in every aspect of their kids’ lives: their schooling, social lives, activities, job… It’s a heavy investment of time, energy, and money. All of their kids’ time is scheduled, every interaction is seen as an opportunity to mold and teach, and there should be complete emotional control on the part of the parent. Intensive parenting is driven by information of experts, but it also operates on the belief that parents raise kids in isolation and not in community.

Positives of Intensive Parenting

Being involved in your kids’ lives is great—you should be. One of every person’s deepest desires is to be known. This is especially true of kids. At almost every wedding, somebody reads from 1 Corinthians 13, but not typically verse 12, which says, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” He’s talking about love. There will come a day when we know God fully while being fully known. A big part of perfect love is knowing and being known. Intensive parenting involves focusing on kids in such a way that enables parents to study and know their kids. Intensive parents tend to be close with their kids.

A close relationship with your kids leads to greater influence. It gives the parent a better ability to help their kids navigate an increasingly complex and often cruel world. Being involved in their development is an important role of a parent.

Negatives of Intensive Parenting

However, while our kids’ development is important, our focus should be on loving our kids more than anything. A child is a person to be loved, not a project to be perfected. We unintentionally put too much pressure on ourselves to raise people impervious to pain and struggle. First, that’s impossible. Second, our kids pick up on that pressure, and that causes them anxiety and stress. Our kids are part of the most stressed out generation in history, and this easily adds to that.

It also doesn’t give kids enough space to explore the world on their own—to experience hurt, failure, heartbreak, difficulties, and challenges. All of these build resilience, empathy, and self confidence. Kids need to learn how to live in this world without us, and in order to do that, they have to step out where it’s unsafe. Intensive parenting makes that more difficult for the child.

Finally, our kids need more adults in their lives than just their parents. In his book Hurt 2.0, adolescent expert Chap Clark argues that adults need to work together to nurture kids through adolescence. Parents need the help of coaches, teachers, youth workers, police, youth employers to help kids grow stronger. Otherwise, kids can feel alone, anxious, and ill-equipped.

Sound off: Are you an intensive parent or do you know someone who is?

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