Athlete Resources
20 Times Kids Want to Know They’re Loved
“You still love me?” my son asked after he sat on his sister’s violin bow. I closed my eyes and tried to push the bubbling emotions down. When I opened them and found my son peering at me with concern, I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. “Of course I still love you. I know you didn’t mean it. There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you.”
Kids want to know they’re loved no matter what. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, let your kid know you love him, maybe with a hug and a kiss, more times than you think. Here are 20 times when kids want that reassurance that you love them.
Kid Mistakes
1. When they mess up, let someone down, or ruin something you really liked
2. When they’re less than perfect—with grades, sports, words and actions
3. When they think they’ve disappointed you
4. When they feel embarrassed
5. When you yell at them
The reason they need it: Kids typically want to please their parents. So, when they think they didn’t measure up in your eyes, they may need reassurance that your love doesn’t hinge on this one thing.
Dad Mistakes
6. When you forget to pick them up from school
7. When they find their artwork in the trash (because you left it on top)
8. When you miss their game, recital, award ceremony, or teacher conference (because you scheduled something else at the same time)
9. When you can’t chaperone the field trip or volunteer at the class party (after you said you could)
10. When they overhear you saying something critical of them to your wife or a friend
The reason they need it: Everyone wants to feel like a priority in the eyes of someone they love. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 or 55. But kids are still learning they’re not always going to be your sole focus. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, remind him that even with other things on your mind, your kid’s still number one.
School Mishaps
11. When a friend dumps them
12. When the teacher scolds them, gives them detention, or sends a note (or email) home
13. When the coach benches them or just doesn’t play them
14. When they get picked last for the team or don’t get picked at all for partners in class
15. When they get cut from the team or the play
The reason they need it: When others make your child feel unlikable or don’t value your child’s great qualities, assure her there are others who do. And one of them is you. She wants to know one rejection doesn’t mean everyone will reject her. And your love is that reassurance: My dad loves me. I can get through this. I’m gonna be OK.
Life Mishaps
16. When they lose their hat or lunchbox
17. When they populate the fish tank with school supplies and the fish dies
18. When they leave their new bike outside in the rain and it rusts
19. When they let go of the leash and you spend the afternoon searching for your dog
20. When they stain their new clothes with chocolate, grass, juice, or all three
The reason they need it: Feeling accepted for who they are is so important to kids. If they’re out exploring their world, mishaps will inevitably happen. But that’s part of life. And that’s how they learn. We can’t keep kids tucked safely away all day. They need to have experiences, make choices, and grow from them. Loving your kids through these mishaps gives them the courage and support they need to keep going and keep trying.
Knowing how to make your child feel loved and valued is simple. Let your kids know you love them on bad days as well as good, when they mess up and when they please you, and never let a day go by without that reassurance. “Come here. Gimme a hug. Ya know what? I love you.”
Print out iMOM’s 100 Words of Encouragement for Kids and use it today! Also check out 7 Things a Son Needs From His Father.
Sound off: Knowing how to make your child feel loved and valued starts with expressing your love. How often do you think parents should say “I love you” to their children?
The post 20 Times Kids Want to Know They’re Loved appeared first on All Pro Dad.
15 Ways You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
As a high school coach, I have always emphasized the need for my athletes to get out of their comfort zones. Whether it is a ball handling drill, a lift in the weight room, or giving a talk to younger players, encouraging them to be the best they can be, they need to push themselves to do things that aren’t comfortable.
To be the best dads we can be, it’s important for us to get out of our comfort zones too. Over the years, my insecurities, anxiety, or lack of time have often kept me from entering into uncomfortable situations. However, I have never regretted the times that I have, and you won’t either. Here are 15 ideas for how to get out of your comfort zone.
1. Talk to parents of other kids on the same team/in the same grade.
We may feel shy or awkward talking to other parents. But we will spend a lot of time around them over the years, so it will be good to get to know them, and we might be pleasantly surprised with how much we enjoy it.
2. Show affection to your kids, physically and verbally.
I had a very loving family as I grew up, but we rarely expressed it. Don’t be afraid to show your kids how much you love them. Knowing that they have a safe and loving family will help build their self-confidence and help them recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships in the future.
3. Record a TikTok with your son or daughter.
Want to know how to get out of your comfort zone? Say yes when your kid asks you to do the latest TikTok trend with him or her. This can help us to understand how their technology works, let them know we are willing to take part in their interests, and can create a digital memory of having fun together.
4. Attend your kid’s parent/teacher conference.
We often let the moms take care of these, but participating can be a great way to truly understand how our children are doing in school academically and socially.
5. Help coach your kid’s youth sports team.
Even if we don’t know much about the sport, we can help our kids and their teammates learn about cooperation, leadership, communication and other valuable traits.
6. Attend your daughter’s doctor appointment.
This can be very uncomfortable, especially as our daughters get older. However, it helps us to understand what they are dealing with and might help them to be willing to come to us when they have issues.
7. Say “yes” to a request.
As dads, we often get asked to do things like volunteering at our kids’ school or at our church. It’s much easier to simply say no, but saying yes can be an easy way to become more involved.
8. Be a chaperone for a school field trip.
Taking a day off of work to supervise kids may not sound fun, but it can be a great bonding experience and a good way to get to know our kids’ friends.
9. Take your daughter to get her hair cut.
Know how to get out of your comfort zone? Take your girls to the salon. This is another chance to understand our daughters and one of their common life experiences.
10. Ask your child for advice or an opinion.
We tend to want our kids to think we have all the answers, but asking them for help can help grow their self confidence.
11. Play a video game with your child.
We might have to dance, shoot zombies, or build an empire, and if you’re like me, you’ll probably lose miserably, but spending a little time in your kids’ world can really pay off.
12. Watch some of their favorite movies.
Because of my kids, I’ve watched countless movies that I never would have considered watching otherwise. Now I understand many of their pop-culture references, and I am able to sing along with countless movie songs on their playlists.
13. Talk about your experiences.
It often feels uncomfortable to talk about our childhood experiences, but knowing that we went through some of the same things they are going through can help our credibility when they ask us for advice.
14. Have “the talk” with your child.
I’ll be honest—my wife still makes fun of me for the approach I took when having “the talk” with my son, who has always been very active in 4H and FFA. Since he already has some understanding of reproduction in farm animals, I approached it from that angle. It certainly taught him that he can talk to me about any topic!
15. Start praying with your kids on a daily basis.
We love to show our kids how to do things like throw a ball, drive a car, and fix things around the house. What skill could be more important for us to teach than how to express our faith?
Sound off: When was a time you learned how to get out of your comfort zone and had a positive result?
The post 15 Ways You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone appeared first on All Pro Dad.
3 Things to Teach Your Kids About How to Deal With Stress
In 2023, I was coaching in the minor leagues and our team went on a crazy run near the end of the season where we won 15 games in a row and 17 of our last 19 games. We needed every one of those wins to qualify for the playoffs, which we did on the last day of the season. Every inning mattered, and as the manager, the team looked to me for direction. The end result was great, but it was still a very stressful situation.
In the same way, life can be stressful, and managing it is sometimes difficult. The way you conduct yourself in front of your kids during challenging times is important because they are listening to the words you say and watching the way you respond. Childhood stress is real, and we need to be an example of how to deal with stress well, so we can guide them when they are going through a difficult situation. Here are 3 things to teach your kids about how to deal with stress.
1. Focus on what you can control.
When I coached with the San Francisco Giants, we would bring the players together once per week during spring training to teach them life skills. One meeting I remember vividly was about “controlling the controllables.” The speaker talked to the players about what they can control on the field, like attitude and effort, versus what was out of their control, like a player making a great play on a ball they hit well.
Teaching your kids about what is in their control is huge, especially as they grow up. Things like attitude, effort, emotions, and actions are important attributes for your kids to control. When they are able to do this, it will help them stay levelheaded and make better decisions when they are dealing with stressful situations.
2. Have a positive mindset.
This is something that did not come easy to me. Growing up, I was my own worst critic, and it just got worse when my parents or coaches would come down hard on me. When something good did happen, I would get worried that it wouldn’t last. Instead of focusing on how I could succeed, I focused on how afraid I was to fail.
As a dad, I wanted to change that. I had to work on it, and over time, I saw how words of affirmation and a positive mindset impacted my two boys. Teach your child about being positive when a stressful situation arises and to expect the best outcome. When kids anticipate success, it breeds self-confidence and helps eliminate some childhood stress.
3. Put things into perspective.
When you find yourself in a stressful situation, it can get polarizing, and you can feel out of control if you get hyper-focused on it. When this happens, it’s important to remember times you have overcome difficult situations in the past, which will help you in your present situation.
Teaching your kids how to put things into perspective is an important tool to give them as they grow up. Remind them of a time when they encountered a really stressful situation and how they eventually overcame it. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” I believe God is good and trustworthy, so much so that we can be still and trust that He’s going to get us through whatever situation we find ourselves in. If we can practice being still, we’ll stay calm in stressful situations—and if we do this in front of our kids, they’ll learn to do it, too.
Sound off: What are some additional ways you can teach your child about dealing with childhood stress?
The post 3 Things to Teach Your Kids About How to Deal With Stress appeared first on All Pro Dad.
Dustin Colquitt: 5 Lessons Our Kids Should Learn From Us
My dad and brother both were NFL punters. My dad won two Super Bowls, my brother won one, and so did I. Getting my shot in the NFL has been one of the highlights of my life, and it’s been a joy to play in the league. You don’t make a career out of punting without studying technique, and I got to watch family members up close and mimic their methods. Who you learn from matters, on and off the field. And children are going to learn from their parents.
What do children learn from their parents? A lot. In fact, if there’s one thing I’ve learned while parenting my five kids, it’s that my children are always watching me. When I’m listening to music, they soak up the lyrics. When I’m talking with my wife, they listen to my tone. If I’m angry or frustrated, they see how I handle it. This isn’t a complaint; it’s a challenge, to me and to any dad, to live like our kids are always watching—because they are. And that’s a good thing when we’re living well. Here are 5 lessons our kids should learn from us.
Resiliency
During the COVID-19 pandemic, we couldn’t really go anywhere as a family. It was tough on my kids. I remember one of them saying, “I don’t know how much longer I can do this.” It broke my heart. So, my wife, Christia, and I had to model resiliency. We did everything we could to make life fun at home, playing games, watching movies, and doing fun things for our kids. We really bonded during those months, so much so that the same child came to us when life got back to normal and said, “I just want to go back” to that pace of life. Kids learn to handle tough times the same way you handle them.
Persistence
I’ve had good games, bad games, and injuries in my career. My kids have watched me try to overcome bad kicks and multiple surgeries. I hope I’ve modeled persistence well, because it’s a skill they’ll need in life. Not everything is going to go according to plan. My oldest is trying to get into colleges now. He has no control over which schools will accept his applications and which won’t. There are a lot of things out of your kids’ control, too. So they’ll need persistence. And what do children learn from their parents? How to be persistent—if you’re persistent in front of them.
Commitment
My two youngest love getting their backs scratched before bed. It’s as if their night is incomplete if I don’t do it, so I try to be consistent. I also go to their school activities, basketball practices, and the other things that matter to them as often as possible. Not because I have to, but because I am committed to them. My commitment communicates that I love them, want to be around them, and want to participate in their lives. Because of my commitment, they know I’ll be there, and they’ll also learn how to be committed.
Presence
I love driving my daughter to her cheerleading practices. She has four brothers, so those car rides are perfect for honest, boy-free conversations. To make sure we don’t get sidetracked, I made a rule that there are no phones allowed. I want both of us to be present. I want us to be in the moment and truly connect. Sometimes that lands me outside my comfort zone, but that’s a good thing. She’s learning that true communication happens when we’re fully present. I hope it helps her as she becomes a young adult.
Partnership
In business, partnership means sharing profits and losses. In life, it means sharing the good and the bad. My kids have a front row seat to watch me interact with my wife, and for over 20 years, we’ve been unified. We do everything together, agree on discipline and parenting decisions, and do life as partners. Our kids can emulate parts of this with their friends and someday, be good partners for their spouses. Being in a partnership is about relying on someone, trusting others, and being accountable. Your kids learn all this from watching you.
Sound off: What else do children learn from their parents?
The post Dustin Colquitt: 5 Lessons Our Kids Should Learn From Us appeared first on All Pro Dad.
5 Ways to Help Kids Find Their Purpose
John looked at his father, his eyes pleading with his dad to let him go. He had just been invited to go on a great mission, but his father said no. His dad had watched his son make things a mess over and over again. He didn’t think John should go, despite his being invited by a cutting-edge rabbi. That’s when John said to his dad, “[The rabbi] is helping people, and I want to be a part of that. This is my chance to show up.” In other words, finding purpose felt possible—this was his chance to have a life of meaning.
John is the Apostle John. The rabbi is Jesus, and the scene is from the new animated movie Light of the World. Just like the character John in the movie, our kids want their lives to have power and impact. One of the greatest gifts we can give them is to help them get there. Here are 5 ways to help our kids find their purpose.
1. Help them find their talents.
Each of us is born with natural abilities. This is a great place to start finding purpose. Help your kids figure out what theirs are. Adolescence is a confusing time, and our kids can feel lost. They don’t know who they are or what to do with their lives, but everyone wants to have a meaningful life. When you see them excel at something, point it out. At the same time, it’s good to remember that sometimes talents reveal themselves over time. Encourage their curiosity to try out a lot of things. Remind them not to be discouraged if something isn’t easy right away. After all, our abilities need to be discovered, improved upon, and sharpened.
2. Let them explore their passions.
In the movie Light of the World, John has a passion for helping people. Perhaps your child has a passion for cars, fixing things, dance, feeding the homeless, figuring out how things work, human behavior, history, or sports. Look into your kids’ eyes as they talk about different subjects. When they start to light up or their eyes widen as they talk about a particular endeavor, get excited with them. Encourage them to pursue it further.
3. Let them work with you.
Your kids have similar DNA to yours. They may have similar talents or interests that can help them in finding purpose. If you are doing a chore around the house, let them help you. The next time you volunteer with a charity, bring your kids along. Perhaps even bring them to work so they can shadow you and see what you do. It may slow down your effectiveness, but it will accelerate their discovery of their interests and passions.
4. Show your support.
In Light of the World, John is discouraged and feels like nothing he ever does helps anyone. His mom encourages him by using a fishing metaphor. The job of a fisherman is to cast the net, but the results are up to God. In other words, we need to focus on making our best efforts with the resources and talents we’ve been given and not worry so much about what happens after that. She told him he was doing the right things, and he regained his enthusiasm for it. When you see your kids pursuing their passions and purposes, show your support. It goes a long way in keeping their tanks full to continue their pursuits.
5. Believe in them.
Jim Valvano coached NC State basketball to a national championship. He said his father gave him the greatest gift. “He believed in me,” Valvano said. Believing in our kids gives them the confidence to try and fail, and then to try again. Our belief propels them toward their purpose. Make sure your kids know you believe in them, especially when they face disappointment, failure, and confusion. In these moments, they may need to rely on your faith more than their own.
Sound off: What are some other ways we can help our kids with finding purpose?
The post 5 Ways to Help Kids Find Their Purpose appeared first on All Pro Dad.
7 Ways to Set Kids Up for Failure
When you’re raising a child, you want the best for him or her. We want our kids to get a great education, have opportunities we didn’t have, make more money than we made… We spend significant portions of our time and energy working to ensure that our kids have a good life.
However, in doing so, we sometimes inadvertently set our kids up to fail. Raising a child is hard because it’s not always the most obvious things that create the biggest challenges for them. Here are 7 ways to set kids up for failure.
1. Teach your child his needs are paramount.
We invest so much in our kids that if we’re not careful, we accidentally teach them that they are the center of the universe. When we do this, we set them up so that the person they most think about is themselves. When raising a child, we need to help him have a healthy sense of self-worth while also learning that a good life is an others-centered one.
2. Gossip a lot.
It’s easy to slip into gossip about the neighbors or that family member or the people who sit in front of you at church. And while we think it’s harmless, our kids are listening and learning. A child who sees her parents gossip a lot will learn to engage in gossip herself. When raising a child, we need to remember that kids listen more than we think. If we’re regularly using our words to tear others down, we’ll raise kids who do the same.
3. Never let her see you fight.
We often try to avoid arguing when our kids are around. The problem is, conflict is part of any close relationship, including the healthy ones. If our kids don’t see us model healthy conflict, they’ll likely struggle to argue well. Of course, this requires us to learn to fight well, too. Otherwise, we withhold from our kids the opportunity to learn how to do it.
4. Don’t talk about sensitive topics with him.
It’s normal to struggle to discuss sensitive topics with our children (think sex, politics, religion). We’re uncomfortable, so we just avoid it. But in so doing, we miss out on critical conversations that our child needs to have. When raising a child, have the courage to engage in the tough conversations. He may roll his eyes or complain, but your job isn’t to make him happy; it’s to offer direction in areas he needs your help to navigate.
5. Do everything you can to make her life easy.
It’s good to want your child to have a better life than you did. However, sometimes we forget how formative it was for us to have to work hard for a first car or stand up for ourselves in a social situation. It’s tempting to substitute easy for good. But we have to fight against that. Our goal is to raise good people, not comfortable ones. Don’t rescue your child from difficulty—equip her to navigate it.
6. Complain often.
If you’re the type of person who often complains in front of your kids, you’re teaching them that they are victims and that their only recourse is complaining. Not only is this unproductive, it’s annoying to everyone around you. When raising a child, it’s important to model a hopefulness that leads to right action. If the only tool you give your child in the face of hardship is complaining, you’re teaching him helplessness rather than empowering him to bring about change.
7. Spend your evenings in front of the TV.
After a long day, it’s easy to want to come home and get lost in a show or sporting event. This is fine on occasion, but doing it too often deprives your kids of the opportunity to learn how to have meaningful family interactions. When your kids have children of their own, they’ll be ill-equipped to engage well. When raising a child, how you connect with him or her regularly is how he or she will learn to connect with others. Your engagement can literally be a gift to generations.
Sound off: What other choices do we make that risk setting our kids up for failure?
The post 7 Ways to Set Kids Up for Failure appeared first on All Pro Dad.