Athlete Resources

“This will probably be my last year.” I heard a teacher say that recently. The reason? Student behavior. It has pushed her to the limit, and she feels like she needs a break. Another longtime teacher said, “I used to worry about a few kids. Now there’s just a few kids I’m not worried about.” Kids are spitting, throwing furniture, attacking other students, and attacking teachers. One teacher even had scissors thrown at her face.

Are these isolated stories, or is there a trend happening? And if it’s a widespread and ongoing problem, what do we do about it? Let’s try to answer this question: Is student behavior getting worse?

Is student behavior getting worse?

Studies indicate that student behavior is in fact getting worse. A survey this year by the EdWeek Research Center revealed that close to half (48%) of teachers believe that student behavior is a lot worse now than before the pandemic. That’s up from the year before when a third of teachers said student behavior was worse than it was pre-pandemic. Meanwhile, another 24% of teachers said behavior was a little worse now compared to before COVID. That means 72% of teachers report that behavior is getting worse.

Why is it happening?

There are a number of factors that play into child behavior. More than anything, experts cite that mental health has suffered since the pandemic with anxiety and depression levels significantly climbing. As the publication Pediatric Research noted, “There has been an increase in children with developmental delays, learning disabilities, and behavioral disorders that may be a sequela of multiple changed experiences during the early years of the COVID-19 pandemic for a child who may have already had some underlying risk.” The anxiety levels were pretty high in 2019 due to political unrest and school shootings. The pandemic turned up the heat with isolation and instability. With all of that bottled inside, kids are lashing out.

What do students need?

Us. They need their dads. As the Institute for Research on Poverty cites, “In numerous studies, positive father involvement is associated with children’s higher academic achievement; greater school readiness; stronger math and verbal skills; greater emotional security; higher self-esteem; fewer behavioral problems; and greater social competence than found among children who do not have caring, involved fathers.”

Kids’ behavior is the parents’ problem to solve, not the school’s. Proverbs 22:6 encourages parents: “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” As dads, we need to take the lead in engaging our kids, not just their behavior but the things below the surface that are causing them to lash out. Spend time with your kids talking to them about their anxiety levels. Listen, show empathy, and give them a sense of hope and optimism. Make healthy decisions for them like keeping sleep schedules, limiting screen time, and eating right.

Also, help them develop coping mechanisms to help them control their emotions, deal with stress, and manage behavior. Coping mechanisms such as breathing slowly to calm down, exercising or getting plenty of movement can help. Let them know what behavior is acceptable and what is unacceptable. You may need to plan with the teachers to figure out the best ways to proceed in class. If the problems run deeper, you may need to involve a professional therapist.

Another practical step is to be a part of an All Pro Dad chapter. All Pro Dad chapters meet once a month, typically for breakfast at a child’s school. When dads are involved in school, there are many benefits. Check out this video for more info.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlKN6t0JTuk

Check to see if there is an All Pro Dad chapter in your area or look into what it takes to start one. The more engaged fathers we have, then with regard to this issue, the fewer problems we’ll see.

Sound off: What are some other things we can do to improve student behavior?

The post Is Student Behavior Getting Worse? appeared first on All Pro Dad.

I was a much better parent before I had kids. Maybe you can relate. Prior to having kids, I knew all the right things parents ought to do. No screen time. Organic food. Structured nap and bed times. As we began having children, though, we were suddenly faced with the challenges associated with actually raising another human being who thinks for him or herself. As hard as we tried to raise the perfect kids, we failed every single time. Why? Because we aren’t perfect.

As obvious as that statement is, we struggled daily with anxiety around making just the right parenting decisions so we didn’t “mess up our kids.” Now, having four adult children, I can say our anxieties—and the anxieties of millions of parents—are often misplaced and even unnecessary. The real goal is not to raise perfect kids who idealize all our hopes and dreams for them, because that’s impossible (and, frankly, unhelpful). The real goal should be to set up our kids to be the kind of adults who are good. Here are 5 ways to emphasize good over perfect.

1. Focus on character over achievement.

Every dad wants his kid to win the championship. I did. I’m sure you do too. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, if winning, or getting an “A,” or getting a job with a big paycheck is the primary goal, then we’ll raise kids who believe the ends justify the means. How they get there won’t be as important as whether they do.

But if instead we’re focused on how to raise good kids, we’ll emphasize character over achievement. Whether they win or lose will become secondary to how they win or lose. Whether they get the “A” will be far less important than whether they developed the type of discipline that will serve them well over time. And in the end, whether they make a lot of money will be insignificant next to whether they are generous and compassionate.

2. Focus on courage over alignment.

We believe the things we believe because we think they are important and true. As a result, many of us struggle when our kids don’t share our values. We work hard to teach them what we believe and why and to help them hold those same values dear. Inevitably, however, as our kids grow, they will internalize some of our values and reject others. This can be the cause of great consternation.

However, if we’re focused on how to raise good kids, what we really want for them is not solely values alignment but the type of courage they need to stick with their values even when it’s difficult. Maya Angelou once said, “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” Do we only cheer our kids on when they stand up for our values, or do we celebrate their courage, even when we disagree?

3. Focus on service over happiness.

We all want our kids to be happy. However, in focusing on our kids’ happiness we run the risk of inadvertently setting them on a course to be less happy than they otherwise could be. When we focus on our kids’ happiness, we’re often looking to satisfy their wants. In doing this, it’s easy to create children who believe happiness comes from getting what I want. The problem, of course, is that we know from our own experience this isn’t true. Our wants rarely satisfy us and the things we want often change over time.

However, if we’re focused on how to raise good kids, it may encourage us to know that MRI technology shows that giving to others activates the same parts of the brain as food and sex. In other words, serving others and giving generously is a scientifically proven path to happiness. Or, as Saint Francis of Assisi said, “It is in giving that we receive.”

4. Focus on curiosity over certainty.

We want our kids to know what’s true about life, faith, themselves and the world around them. That’s a good desire. However, we need to be careful not to confuse truth with certainty. Certainty says, “I know what is to be known and am unwilling to entertain other ideas.” There may be a few areas in life where certainty is good. But by and large, certainty can lead to arrogance. And arrogance leads to judgment.

But if our focus is on how to raise good kids, it may help you to think of the type of people that you enjoy being around. My guess is that if you closed your eyes and thought of someone whom you would describe as “certain they are right” and someone else whom you would describe as “curious and humble”, you’d choose to be around curious and humble every time. Do your kids a favor and encourage curiosity over certainty.

5. Focus on love over fear.

We want our kids to be safe, included, and liked. One of the easiest ways to do that is to leverage fear as a motivator. In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, we teach them to fear people who are different from them or to fear being different from their friends. We teach them to fear taking risks and to fear asking for help.

If we want to raise good kids, we need to choose love over fear. Certainly wisdom is important (a healthy fear of strangers or traffic for your toddlers might be a good thing), but in general, the world will be a better place, and our kids’ lives will be richer and more meaningful if the first question they ask isn’t “How do I avoid something bad?” but instead is “What does love require of me?”

Sound off: Why is it so tempting to choose perfect over good?

The post Don’t Raise Perfect Kids—Raise Good Ones appeared first on All Pro Dad.

We all want to know how to raise happy kids. We work long hours to make more money so they can do all (or at least most of) the things they want to do. Sometimes we get mistaken for an Uber driver shuttling our kids from one event to the next. It’s not difficult to exhaust yourself trying to make sure your child has a great time.

But what if we’re inadvertently stealing from our child the thing we most want for her? What if all of our hard work is actually serving to make her less happy? Here are 3 surprising ways to steal the joy from your kids’ lives.

1. Keep them distracted.

If you’re like me, keeping your kids distracted can be a survival technique. We’ve got a lot going on, so we need our kids to be entertained and kept out of trouble. We stick them in front of the TV or a phone so we can get more accomplished and keep them “happy.” We involve them in multiple sports and after-school clubs to keep them busy. Weekends are packed with activities, and rarely is there down time.

We often associate this full schedule with happiness, but in reality our kids are just distracted from the relationships that matter most to their happiness: their family. Studies show that a key indicator of child happiness is the strength of family bonds. My advice on how to raise happy kids: Refuse to simply distract them. Allow space in your lives to be together. Do the hard work of being engaged.

2. Take everything seriously.

Life can be hard. Pain and suffering are embedded in the human experience. Even if you have a relatively easy life, the morning notifications on your phone are sure to remind you how difficult life can be for so many. If you’re someone who is empathetic and feels the pain of others deeply, it can be a lot to carry. But even if you aren’t, it’s easy for life to take the wind out of your sails. This can lead to a real seriousness to how we approach life and relationships.

My advice on how to raise happy kids: Pay attention to what you give your attention to. If you fixate on the difficulties, whether your own or the world’s, it will steal your joy. And if you are a joyless parent, you will rob your child joy, too. Instead, create opportunities for play with your children. Waste time with them. Go on walks. Tell dad jokes. Share funny memes. Courageously refuse to take life too seriously.

3. Don’t take care of yourself.

You can’t give what you don’t have. This is obvious, right? And yet, we don’t often carry this mindset into taking care of ourselves as dads. We work long hours, postpone that doctor’s appointment, push off exercise, get far too little sleep, etc. We often feel like we’re doing this for our family. We love them so much we’re willing to sacrifice our health if need be so they can have everything.

However, if you aren’t taking care of yourself, one of the things you’re “giving” your children is the message that their own personal well-being isn’t all that important. In addition to that, you’re robbing your kids of experiencing you at your best. They’re always getting “tired, irritable, stressed out” you rather than “playful, relaxed and energized” you. And the best version of yourself is way better than whatever you think “exhausted” you is offering them. My advice on how to raise happy kids: Invest in your own well-being.

Sound off: When is the last time you laughed a lot with your children?

The post How to Raise Happy Kids: 3 Surprising Things That Steal Their Joy appeared first on All Pro Dad.

On the way to the flea market, my daughter, Ariel, shared an “incredible” job opportunity she had been offered by a vendor there. I was skeptical but listened to her excited pitch. Upon arrival, a middle aged man seemed very happy to see her. He had offered her a spot in his small booth where she could make up to a hundred dollars a day shining shoes. I saw the naive excitement in her eyes and convinced her we should walk around and think about it. As we walked along, I asked her to count the shoes people wore that she could shine, but she saw none—people don’t get flip flops shined. That’s when I gave her some brutal honesty. It was clear to me this guy had ulterior motives for offering a shoe-shining job to an 18 year old pretty girl who’s never shined a shoe in her life. She didn’t take the job.

If we aren’t honest with our children, they’re either going to learn things the hard way (including following advice from their peers), or they’re going to wind up in situations they wouldn’t have been in if we had spoken up. Here are 3 times your kids need brutal honesty.

1. When They Have a Big Blind Spot

As our children transition into young adults, they are striving for independence. At times, they’ll think they have everything figured out. However, with our experience and knowledge, we see things that they don’t. It’s in their blind spot. They can’t know what they don’t know. That’s where we as parents have to share hard truths with them. Those hard truths might be telling your teenage daughter that her boyfriend seems controlling, or telling your son, who drives his friends everywhere, that you think his “friends”  might just be using him for rides. They may roll their eyes and act like they don’t want to hear what we say, but I promise what we say matters more than you realize and could keep them from major regret.

2. When There’s Bad News to Share

We need to be brutally honest yet sensitive when we share bad news like a death in the family, or when the family vacation has to be postponed because of finances, or when their favorite aunt and uncle decide to separate. We can’t sugar coat tough subjects like we did when they were toddlers. As our children mature, they need to know you are being completely honest with them. Just recently, a friend of mine lost his oldest grandson to suicide. He shared this truth openly although it was not in great detail. We need to do the same with our children. It lets them know we believe they are mature enough to handle tough issues and gives them opportunities to work through their emotions with us at their sides and to ask us deep questions. It allows you to have grown-up conversations with them about adult issues.

3. When You’re Preparing Them for Adulthood

I vividly remember a discussion I had with my daughter when she was just old enough to move out on her own but still lived at home. After an intense discussion about her disrespectful behavior, she stated that she would just move out. She was surprised I wasn’t opposed to the idea. This led to a very honest discussion about the cost of paying rent (plus first, last, and deposit). We listed other costs, too, like the deposit for electricity, getting her own insurance, internet, and food. She quickly realized she couldn’t afford this with a minimum wage job, to which I responded, “That’s why you can’t afford not to listen to us.” Ariel needed to hear the brutal truth, and her attitude changed as she faced reality. When your kids need a reality check, give it to them. Your brutal honestly might just be a life lesson learned that teaches them something a classroom never could.

Sound off: What’s some brutal honesty you now wish somebody had given you when you were younger?

The post 3 Times Your Kids Need Brutal Honesty appeared first on All Pro Dad.

My kids are sneaking into the teenage years. Where did the time go? Diapers don’t feel that long ago, but here we are watching them turn into young adults right before our eyes. It’s both exciting and nerve-racking to watch your kids grow up. Some days, I feel like I’m soaking in every minute. Others, I feel like life is moving at 1,000 miles per hour. Whether you have toddlers or teens, the painful truth is your kids are going to leave one day.

When I shared these thoughts on X, I got hundreds of replies from parents with stories of how they didn’t realize they were throwing the baseball together for the last time or took for granted conversations in the car line at school. They’d do anything to go back. Parents everywhere feel the pressure to avoid missing moments with kids before they’re gone. It’s up to us to make every moment count. Here are 5 ways we waste time when kids are young.

1. Answering Them With “Maybe Tomorrow”

First, when kids ask you to play with them, what they are really asking is, “Do I matter to you?” Don’t stiff arm those bids for attention. Secondly, and hear me when I say this, you will run out of tomorrows. One day you will look back and wish you would have said, “Yeah, bud. Let’s go play.”

2. Choosing Work Over Play

Work is important, and I want my kids to know that. But they also must know it’s not more important than spending quality time with them. I love my job analyzing football. But the game film I need to watch will still be there after the kids go to bed. I don’t want to miss kicking the soccer ball or drawing together. Don’t give your kids the opportunity to wonder if you prefer work over parenting.

3. Focusing on Your Own Hobbies

I love golf. It’s a challenging sport that can never be mastered, which I find cool. But my kids like other stuff way more than golf, so I spend intentional time focusing on those. When we as dads learn more about what makes our kids happy, we cross a bridge into their world. We engage with them by bringing up their hobby. We get to talk about what they like and participate, too. They let you into their domain, and that’s way better than hitting balls on the driving range.

4. Leaving Tasks to Mom

Maybe your wife is a rock star. She is on top of all of the kid stuff, like school meetings, homework, and travel. But when we leave all that stuff to our wives, we are setting a bad example for our kids and possibly taking our wives for granted. We need to inject ourselves into the parenting game. Don’t sit on the sidelines and let your wife do it all. Lighten her load.

5. Watching Sports All Day

You’re probably thinking, “Dan, aren’t you a former pro athlete who talks about sports for a living on TV?” Yes, but even I recognize that watching sports all day, while enjoyable, isn’t best for my kids. I have to choose them over football games. There’s no replacement for one-on-one time. We are missing moments with kids when we constantly choose sports over them, and that’s not a trade I’m willing to make.

Sound off: How much time are you spending with your kids, and is that enough for them?

The post 5 Ways We Waste Time When Kids Are Young appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Throughout my journey in the NFL, one particular hobby has really helped me on and off the field. That hobby is chess. I learned how to play chess from a classmate at Notre Dame. We played all the time on an app called Chess.com. All the reps came in handy years later, when I won an online chess tournament for NFL players in 2023.

To win at chess, you must be planning future moves while making your current ones. You must always be thinking ahead. My wife, Jackie, and I take the same approach to parenting our three kids. Like most parents, we want our kids to maximize their God-given potential. Thus, we’re constantly making decisions with each child’s future in mind. Even if you aren’t a big chess fan, you can still make strategic decisions today that will help set your kids up with winning outcomes down the road. Here are 3 present moves that set up your kids’ future.

1. Know the goal.

In chess, the end goal is to outmaneuver the opponent’s pieces and immobilize their king. All my moves must support that goal. There’s no space for wasted moves, and every decision has a purpose. It’s always easier to make future moves when I am clear on my mission. In parenting, that means identifying who you want your kids to become, what you want your child’s future to be, and what it will take to get them there.

If I want my kids to be well-rounded, I can’t just push them into one activity. They need to try lots of hobbies. If I want them to be contributors, not just consumers, I must squelch any selfishness I see in them. Identifying and knowing the goal for your kids, based on your family values, is crucial. It will inform your moves as a dad. We must have an idea of where the finish line is while we’re racing. Blindly guessing gets you beat in chess and leads to frustration as a dad.

2. Find community.

When I was drafted by the Chargers, Jackie was 38 weeks pregnant. We packed up and moved to Orange County with a lot of uncertainty. We didn’t have any friends or family and didn’t even know where we would be living for that season. But my new teammates and their families stepped in, and my wife made friends quickly. It was an answered prayer for us. Having others around to talk with and lean on was critical at that point in our lives. Just like all the pieces on the chess board help each other, we see something similar in life.

In the same way pawns guard bishops and the rooks patrol with the knights, surrounding yourself with solid people makes you stronger. One thing I say often is that if you want to go fast, go alone—but if you want to go far, go together. Find people you can lean on, like friends, neighbors, coworkers, church buddies, mentors to name a few. For me, that’s been fellow NFL guys like Nick Vigil, Carson Wentz, James Winchester, Samaje Perine, and others. Find your life teammates, because a life lived in community is the best way to live.

3. Adjust in the moment.

There are moments during chess matches when the move I expected to work gets shut down by my opponent. I’ve learned it’s OK to pivot. I’ve made mistakes as a dad that require adjustments, too. The path to your desired end goal for your child’s future isn’t always straight and clear.

To figure out what’s working and what isn’t, you have to be in constant communication with your kids. One way Jackie and I try to accomplish this is through family dinners. Early in our parenting journey, Jackie emphasized that she wanted to prioritize family meals together. During these meals, we love to check in with one another doing activities like “crowns and thorns,” or the day’s highs and lows. We learn a lot from our kids through this small but consistent avenue of communication. If we need to pivot in our decision-making, we do, keeping our clear end goal in mind.

Sound off: What is something you’re intentionally doing now for the benefit of your child’s future?

The post Drue Tranquill: 3 Present Moves That Set Up Your Kids’ Future appeared first on All Pro Dad.