Athlete Resources
5 Ways to Be “All In” as a Dad
Several months ago, we hosted an All Pro Dad Experience at Clemson before a spring practice. I am so grateful for the work that All Pro Dad does because one of the biggest problems I see in the world today is fathers not stepping up. So I loved seeing all of the dads there engaging with their kids. It was a great day and event.
As it ended, and our team hit the field for a spring practice, I had the privilege of speaking to all the dads and kids. The theme of the day was “Go All In,” and I listed these 5 ways to do that using the acronym ALL IN.
1. Attitude
You set the attitude in your home, and you need to bring a good one. When you wake up, you have a decision to make about whether the glass is half full or half empty. Your circumstances may be bad, but your decisions as a dad are going to make a huge impact on your kids. The Harvard Business School said the four most critical factors to success in any job are skill, information, intelligence, and attitude. But only 7% is skill, information, and intelligence. Meanwhile, 93% of a person’s success at a job depends on attitude. If you are going to have success as a dad, you need to have a positive attitude.
You may not always like your kids, but you should always love them.2. Love
You may not always like your kids, but you should always love them. Love them unconditionally. Tell them you love them. Let them see you tell your spouse you love her. Love your kids enough to give them accountability and discipline. Tell them the truth. Let them see you love what you do. Instill passion in them. You are their hero, and your love means more to them than anyone else’s. I believe that to love our kids fully, we need to be connected to God. God is love. Connect to God, and you’ll love your kids better and more fully. Finally, show them how to love and serve others. Be an example of how to care for people.
3. Learn
The world changes every day with young people. You have to keep learning about them and what’s influencing them. The best way to do that is to listen. Listen to your kids. What are they saying? Sometimes it’s not what they’re saying verbally; it’s their body language and behavior. Never stop learning about them, yourself, and life in general. Make sure they see you read, both with them and on your own. And definitely let them see you try new, challenging, and uncomfortable things. Let them see you be a lifelong learner.
4. Invest
Kids spell love T-I-M-E. You have a choice—you can either invest your time or spend your time. The future of our society is in the hands of our kids. What you can do more than anything is invest in them. Be intentional and make the most of every moment. If you’re divorced and you get one day a week with your kids, then make it the best day ever. Kids want quality time with their dads. Give it to them. I believe one of the best ways to invest in your kids is to pray with them and for them. Let them hear you pray for them. It shows how much you care.
5. Now
Be present. Too many people get distracted by what happened yesterday. We get burdened and overwhelmed by it, but there is no hope for a better yesterday. There is, however, hope for today. You have to let go of the past. Also, none of us is promised tomorrow, so you have to have a mindset of now. Put your phone down, and engage with your kids. When you have dinner, talk to your kids and listen to them. Wherever you are, be in the now!
Sound off: What are you doing to go all in for your kids?
The post 5 Ways to Be “All In” as a Dad appeared first on All Pro Dad.
7 Ways to Avoid Confirmation Bias With Your Kid
After having his cat for a few months, my son announced that unlike other cats, his cat likes to lie on cold things. So, without my approval, my brain clicked into confirmation bias. I suddenly noticed that everything the cat was lying on was cold, like a countertop or the bathroom floor. And apparently, I verbalized it every time I saw it because my son said, “Wow, Dad. You really want this whole my cat wanting to lie on cold things to be true.”
In my defense, a cat lying on cold things is a huge deal. Right? Plus, our brains are wired to interpret new evidence as a confirmation of our beliefs. While a cat lying on cold things may not be a big deal, how we see our kids is huge. Confirmation bias can have a big impact on how you see your kid. Here are 7 ways to help you avoid confirmation bias and see your kids for who they really are.
1. Consider your biases.
Our childhood and close relationships can lead to biases toward our children. Just because something is true about us doesn’t make it true about our kid.
Ask yourself: How do my past experiences and relationships affect how I perceive my kid?
2. Hold judgment.
Take a moment to consider if you are judging your kid based on one thing without looking at the bigger picture. Holding judgment leads to a calmer, more appropriate response.
Ask yourself: Am I judging my kid based on one thing without looking at the bigger picture?
Letting our kids know we see their strengths helps them to see them too.3. Focus on strengths.
All kids on the planet want their dad to be proud of them. And letting our kids know we see their strengths helps them to see them too.
Ask yourself: Can I see and appreciate what my kid is good at, rather than only noticing their mistakes?
4. Seek clarity.
It’s worth the time to ensure you understand your child and his or her situation. We can best address the situation when we fully know what we are addressing.
Ask yourself: Have I gathered all the information and spoken to the right people?
5. Listen intently.
It is a great gift to your kids to ensure they feel heard. When they know their words matter to you, they know they matter to you.
Ask yourself: Am I genuinely paying attention to what my kid is saying, or am I just waiting for my turn to talk?
6. Avoid labels.
Labeling our child’s character, behavior, or appearance impacts how we view and treat them. More importantly, it shapes how they see themselves and possible choices.
Ask yourself: Am I putting my kid into a category instead of seeing him or her as a unique individual?
7. Give them space to grow.
If kids don’t have the space to succeed and fail, they won’t know how to handle either as adults. Allowing them to manage their own wins and losses as kids helps them manage them as adults.
Ask yourself: Am I letting my kids learn by trying it their way, without always getting involved?
Sound off: How do you avoid confirmation bias with your kid?
The post 7 Ways to Avoid Confirmation Bias With Your Kid appeared first on All Pro Dad.
5 Moments a Dad Needs to Forgive and Forget
Partway through the afternoon’s soccer practice, Sam slipped on the turf and watched helplessly as his mistake turned into a goal against. As he got to his feet, he felt the shame of his failure as other players heckled him. It was at this moment that his coach, Ted Lasso, called him to the sidelines: “You know what the happiest animal earth is? It’s a goldfish. You know why? Got a 10-second memory. Be a goldfish, Sam.”
The lesson Coach Lasso is trying to pass on to his players is important. They need to move on from mistakes rather than dwell on them. And this is a lesson dads can apply to parenting. There are moments we need to have a 10-second memory of something our kids have done. Here are 5 moments a dad needs to forgive and forget.
1. Your kid lies to you.
Kids lie because they fear what will happen or what someone else will think of them if the truth came out. If you catch your son lying to you, you want him to know this is something serious he should stop doing. But you also want him to know that his telling you the truth—even if it’s about something hard—is never going to stop you from loving him or ruin your relationship.
2. Your kid says something to hurt you.
Kids’ brains are a work in progress. Knowing this doesn’t excuse your daughter yelling in a fit of anger that she hates you (or something equally hurtful), but it may help you understand she doesn’t always think before she speaks. If, in a fit of anger, your daughter says something to hurt you, let her know it’s not OK, but don’t take it to heart. She may not understand what she’s doing.
3. Your kid wrecks something you love.
Kids sometimes wreck things. Maybe your son colored all over your favorite baseball card, dropped your favorite coffee mug, or crashed the car. While you want to teach him not to do it again, once you’ve dealt with the incident, it’s time to move on. Don’t hold the loss of a thing as more important than your relationship with your kid.
Your kids need to know you see more than just their failures; they need to know you see them.4. Your kid messes up (and admits it).
When your daughter nervously begins a conversation with “dad, I need to tell you something,” it’s likely she’s going to share something she did that she knows is wrong. Whatever it is, if she’s already beating herself up about what she’s done, she may not need any further lecture or consequence from you. She already knows and wants to do better.
5. Your kid messes up (but is hiding it from you).
It caught you by surprise when you walked into your sons’ room and saw what he was watching on his phone. It’s an upsetting experience to catch your kid doing something you told him not to do, and what you do next matters. Correct the behavior and issue whatever consequences you need to, but don’t hold it over their heads. Your kids need to know you see more than just their failures; they need to know you see them.
Sound off: What other times should a dad forgive and forget?
The post 5 Moments a Dad Needs to Forgive and Forget appeared first on All Pro Dad.
3 Ways Dads Make Their Kids Feel Like a Burden
As the kids splashed in the cool water and waves, their dad laughed right along with them as he joined in the fun. You could tell they were having a blast together and creating lasting memories. But not too far down the beach’s shore was another family. As the kids tried to have fun playing in the water, the parents, far too concerned with getting their nap and their tan, were frustrated by their own children’s presence. Children are not a burden and should never feel that way.
We’ve all seen annoyed and irritated parents who looked like they didn’t want to be parents at that moment. We’ve probably been that parent ourselves a time or two. But it’s important to remember that children are not a burden—they’re a blessing. We need to communicate that to them, but unfortunately, there are times we unintentionally communicate the opposite. Here are 3 ways dads sometimes make their kids feel like a burden.
1. Ignoring Your Kids When They Speak
Have you ever noticed a child trying to talk to a parent and the parent is obviously ignoring the kid, hoping she’ll get the hint? And what inevitably happens? The parent finally loses their cool and yells at the child for not being quiet. I’ve been guilty of being a distracted dad. When this has happened, my youngest son would often grab my chin and turn my face to look him in the eyes. Kids need to be heard and seen, especially by their dads. Regularly ignoring a child’s thoughts and feelings makes the child feel like a burden.
Pro-tip: Choose to look and listen when your child speaks. In a world where kids are often overlooked or treated as an inconvenience, giving kids your undivided attention makes them feel valued. When your child is speaking, put your phone away, and engage. Maybe even get down on one knee and look your kids right in the eyes when they’re speaking. Making their thoughts and feelings matter to you makes them feel like they matter to you.
When your child is speaking, put your phone away, and engage.2. Getting Frustrated by Your Child’s Presence
Like what I saw at the beach, it happens often—parents who always seem sharp and on edge with their kids. This might look like a dad yelling at his kids to leave him alone or go to anther room when he’s watching TV. Or maybe a dad not having time for little things that matter to his child that he makes clear don’t matter to him. Again, children are not a burden. One of our primary roles is to nurture the heart of the child with patience. When we do this, kids won’t feel like a burden to us.
Pro-tip: Actively enjoy your child’s presence. When kids know you are spending time with them, it’s important that you be fully present and express your enjoyment of being with them. Play, talk, laugh. In a world full of family chaos, families that enjoy being together aren’t only rare, but they’re peaceful and refreshing. Be one of those families.
3. Complaining About Your Child to Others
This might be a sarcastic comment at a restaurant like, “Man, I could be ordering an expensive steak if I didn’t have all these little mouths to feed.” Or maybe it’s in a dad saying to another dad, “Now that I have kids and a family, I just don’t have any time to do the stuff I want to do anymore.” Kids are negatively affected when they hear comments like these because these comments imply that kids are a burden rather than a blessing.
Pro-tip: Intentionally speak life into your child daily. Rather than complaining about your kids, find ways to engage with them through compliments and conversations. I recently heard about “the 5-minute rule.” Statistics show that dads who spend just five minutes a day in purposeful conversation with their kids have a much greater chance at long-term success. This is the value of having small and slow conversations with our kids that fill up their love tanks rather than deplete them.
Sound off: How can you go out of your way today to show your kids they are loved?
The post 3 Ways Dads Make Their Kids Feel Like a Burden appeared first on All Pro Dad.
15 Amazing One-Liners Your Kids Need to Hear You Say
Knowing the things to say to kids can be challenging. But most of us dads have a couple of essential one-liners in our toolbox: I love you, and I’m proud of you. And while those two are vital, adding a few other one-liners to the lineup can be powerful.
They can help us connect to our kids as they grow and mature and build their confidence. They can make them feel safe in a world that often feels anything but. This week, choose one or two of the following 15 one-liners your kids need to hear you say.
1. It’s OK to be sad.
Feeling sad can make kids feel like they are being or doing something wrong. Often, the most comforting thing for a sad child is to let him or her know it is OK to be sad. Sadness is a normal response to certain situations and events. No shame. No guilt.
2. It’s OK not to be perfect.
This statement can be a huge relief and connector to our kids. Oh how I wish someone had said it to me. Let’s be the ones to tell our kids they don’t have to have it all figured out and that they will make mistakes.
Let’s be the ones to tell our kids they don’t have to have it all figured out.3. What are you feeling?
Feelings can make kids feel scared and out of control. Helping them to identify their feelings gives them a sense that they are driving their emotions versus their emotions driving them.
4. I believe you.
In our attempt to help our kids be honest, we often try to catch our kids in a lie. This is important, but it is even more important to catch them telling the truth.
5. I appreciate you.
We all want to be acknowledged for what we do, as do our kids. Appreciation communicates that I value your efforts. And how good does it feel when someone values ours?
6. I understand you.
Demonstrating empathy and understanding toward your kids’ feelings and experiences helps them feel heard and supported. Perhaps there is no greater gift we can give our kids than feeling understood.
7. I love your heart.
It’s so easy to be focused on encouraging our kid’s accomplishments. But is more important to focus on the character of their heart.
8. Say more about that.
If you have a talkative child, this one isn’t happening. But if you have kids who are shy or of few words, this can be a game changer in helping them feel heard and developing their communication skills.
9. That’s a great idea.
Because they are children, they have childish ideas. So it’s easy to miss the times when they do have great ideas. Recognizing, out loud, the incredible ways they think, celebrate, and solve problems grows their confidence and encourages more great ideas.
10. I love being your dad.
Kids constantly compare themselves to other kids. Let your kids know you would rather be their dad than any other kid’s on the planet. (Lowe kids, if you are reading this, this is certainly true for me.)
11. I missed you.
We only miss the ones we love, like, value, and enjoy. And while kids may not be able to articulate why they love that you missed them, they love it all the same.
12. Let’s start over.
These three words tell your kids they are worthy of a fresh start, teach them the value of forgiveness, and show them how to move past disagreements.
13. I’m listening.
Getting into lecture mode with our kids is easy. But letting our kids know we are listening communicates value, eases their frustrations, and celebrates who they are.
14. Thanks for telling me.
Showing gratitude for our kids sharing their thoughts reinforces the importance of communication and honesty.
15. What do you want to do?
I used to rack my brain trying to figure out something fun to do with my kids. Then I started asking them what they wanted to do. Most of the time, it led to a much better time. It was also typically easier than what I thought they might want to do.
Sound off: What’s the best thing your dad ever said to you?
Check out the All Pro Dad team discussing words kids long to hear in this podcast episode:
The post 15 Amazing One-Liners Your Kids Need to Hear You Say appeared first on All Pro Dad.
6 Ways Dads Can Model Maturity
It’s easy to assume that kids will mature as they get older. They look taller. Their vocabulary expands. They add new skills. But just because they’re getting bigger and smarter over time doesn’t always mean they’re maturing.
I don’t want my sons and daughters to just be taller versions of their current selves a few years from now. I struggled at first to figure out how to teach maturity. But I’ve learned the best way to teach it is to model it. Here are 6 ways dads can model maturity.
1. Lead by example.
Some of the most influential football coaches I had growing up were the ones who didn’t just tell me what to do but showed me how to play the game well. They weren’t afraid to put down the whistle and demonstrate the proper technique for blocking, catching, and running. They led by example. Dads must do the same thing. We demonstrate how to be mature when we show discipline and base our actions on desired long-term outcomes rather than immediate urges. Our kids are always watching us. Make sure they see you acting maturely if you want to see them do the same.
2. Communicate often.
I have four sons and three daughters. There is a lot of talking in our home, but just because the noise level is high doesn’t mean a lot of intentional communication is taking place. Part of growing in maturity is learning to clearly and effectively communicate and do it often. It’s not enough to just ask surface level questions. Dig deep and ask thoughtful questions of and around your kids. Do it daily. Do it hourly. It connects people. A home with open lines of communication is a home filled with mature people.
You will teach maturity just by being accountable as a dad.
3. Practice empathy.
We are all busy. It’s easy to get caught up in what’s happening in our lives. But when this happens, we fail to sit and empathize with others. That’s immature. It’s mature to have empathy because it helps you understand others, communicate better, build relationships, and resolve conflict. Compassion grows from empathy. Practice empathy by reaching out to people and asking how they’re doing. Then, listen more than you speak. By the way, if you’re married, have empathy for your wife. When your kids witness that, you teach your sons how to treat women and you teach your daughters how men should treat them.
4. Encourage problem-solving.
Middle schoolers should be better at cleaning up messes than toddlers. They have the skills required to identify problems and find solutions. The problem comes when kids wait around for others to do the work for them. As a dad, encouraging your kids not to give up too easily is how to teach maturity. Perseverance builds the character that will bloom into maturity. Get your hands dirty with your kids, and try to find an answer to problems.
5. Dwell on what matters.
The things that wind up commanding most of our attention rarely deserve any. It’s a tough thing to do in a digital, social media-driven world, but make it your mission to teach your kids to dwell on what matters. Often that means dwelling on what will last. Immature people tend to focus on instant gratification. Mature people will keep life’s “big picture” in mind. Talk about the things that are important to you—family, friends, community groups—and encourage your kids to make a similar list.
6. Be accountable.
If you mess up, own up to it. If you say you’ll be somewhere, be there. If you volunteer, follow through. Your kids need to know that others are counting on them. This is also true for you as a dad. Your kids are counting on you to listen, provide, and be engaged with them. You will teach maturity just by being accountable as a dad.
Sound off: Who was influential in teaching you maturity? Have you told them?
The post 6 Ways Dads Can Model Maturity appeared first on All Pro Dad.