Athlete Resources
5 Ways We Waste Time When Kids Are Young
My kids are sneaking into the teenage years. Where did the time go? Diapers don’t feel that long ago, but here we are watching them turn into young adults right before our eyes. It’s both exciting and nerve-racking to watch your kids grow up. Some days, I feel like I’m soaking in every minute. Others, I feel like life is moving at 1,000 miles per hour. Whether you have toddlers or teens, the painful truth is your kids are going to leave one day.
When I shared these thoughts on X, I got hundreds of replies from parents with stories of how they didn’t realize they were throwing the baseball together for the last time or took for granted conversations in the car line at school. They’d do anything to go back. Parents everywhere feel the pressure to avoid missing moments with kids before they’re gone. It’s up to us to make every moment count. Here are 5 ways we waste time when kids are young.
1. Answering Them With “Maybe Tomorrow”
First, when kids ask you to play with them, what they are really asking is, “Do I matter to you?” Don’t stiff arm those bids for attention. Secondly, and hear me when I say this, you will run out of tomorrows. One day you will look back and wish you would have said, “Yeah, bud. Let’s go play.”
2. Choosing Work Over Play
Work is important, and I want my kids to know that. But they also must know it’s not more important than spending quality time with them. I love my job analyzing football. But the game film I need to watch will still be there after the kids go to bed. I don’t want to miss kicking the soccer ball or drawing together. Don’t give your kids the opportunity to wonder if you prefer work over parenting.
3. Focusing on Your Own Hobbies
I love golf. It’s a challenging sport that can never be mastered, which I find cool. But my kids like other stuff way more than golf, so I spend intentional time focusing on those. When we as dads learn more about what makes our kids happy, we cross a bridge into their world. We engage with them by bringing up their hobby. We get to talk about what they like and participate, too. They let you into their domain, and that’s way better than hitting balls on the driving range.
4. Leaving Tasks to Mom
Maybe your wife is a rock star. She is on top of all of the kid stuff, like school meetings, homework, and travel. But when we leave all that stuff to our wives, we are setting a bad example for our kids and possibly taking our wives for granted. We need to inject ourselves into the parenting game. Don’t sit on the sidelines and let your wife do it all. Lighten her load.
5. Watching Sports All Day
You’re probably thinking, “Dan, aren’t you a former pro athlete who talks about sports for a living on TV?” Yes, but even I recognize that watching sports all day, while enjoyable, isn’t best for my kids. I have to choose them over football games. There’s no replacement for one-on-one time. We are missing moments with kids when we constantly choose sports over them, and that’s not a trade I’m willing to make.
Sound off: How much time are you spending with your kids, and is that enough for them?
The post 5 Ways We Waste Time When Kids Are Young appeared first on All Pro Dad.
Drue Tranquill: 3 Present Moves That Set Up Your Kids’ Future
Throughout my journey in the NFL, one particular hobby has really helped me on and off the field. That hobby is chess. I learned how to play chess from a classmate at Notre Dame. We played all the time on an app called Chess.com. All the reps came in handy years later, when I won an online chess tournament for NFL players in 2023.
To win at chess, you must be planning future moves while making your current ones. You must always be thinking ahead. My wife, Jackie, and I take the same approach to parenting our three kids. Like most parents, we want our kids to maximize their God-given potential. Thus, we’re constantly making decisions with each child’s future in mind. Even if you aren’t a big chess fan, you can still make strategic decisions today that will help set your kids up with winning outcomes down the road. Here are 3 present moves that set up your kids’ future.
1. Know the goal.
In chess, the end goal is to outmaneuver the opponent’s pieces and immobilize their king. All my moves must support that goal. There’s no space for wasted moves, and every decision has a purpose. It’s always easier to make future moves when I am clear on my mission. In parenting, that means identifying who you want your kids to become, what you want your child’s future to be, and what it will take to get them there.
If I want my kids to be well-rounded, I can’t just push them into one activity. They need to try lots of hobbies. If I want them to be contributors, not just consumers, I must squelch any selfishness I see in them. Identifying and knowing the goal for your kids, based on your family values, is crucial. It will inform your moves as a dad. We must have an idea of where the finish line is while we’re racing. Blindly guessing gets you beat in chess and leads to frustration as a dad.
2. Find community.
When I was drafted by the Chargers, Jackie was 38 weeks pregnant. We packed up and moved to Orange County with a lot of uncertainty. We didn’t have any friends or family and didn’t even know where we would be living for that season. But my new teammates and their families stepped in, and my wife made friends quickly. It was an answered prayer for us. Having others around to talk with and lean on was critical at that point in our lives. Just like all the pieces on the chess board help each other, we see something similar in life.
In the same way pawns guard bishops and the rooks patrol with the knights, surrounding yourself with solid people makes you stronger. One thing I say often is that if you want to go fast, go alone—but if you want to go far, go together. Find people you can lean on, like friends, neighbors, coworkers, church buddies, mentors to name a few. For me, that’s been fellow NFL guys like Nick Vigil, Carson Wentz, James Winchester, Samaje Perine, and others. Find your life teammates, because a life lived in community is the best way to live.
3. Adjust in the moment.
There are moments during chess matches when the move I expected to work gets shut down by my opponent. I’ve learned it’s OK to pivot. I’ve made mistakes as a dad that require adjustments, too. The path to your desired end goal for your child’s future isn’t always straight and clear.
To figure out what’s working and what isn’t, you have to be in constant communication with your kids. One way Jackie and I try to accomplish this is through family dinners. Early in our parenting journey, Jackie emphasized that she wanted to prioritize family meals together. During these meals, we love to check in with one another doing activities like “crowns and thorns,” or the day’s highs and lows. We learn a lot from our kids through this small but consistent avenue of communication. If we need to pivot in our decision-making, we do, keeping our clear end goal in mind.
Sound off: What is something you’re intentionally doing now for the benefit of your child’s future?
The post Drue Tranquill: 3 Present Moves That Set Up Your Kids’ Future appeared first on All Pro Dad.
5 Great Questions to Ask Your Kids Every Week
As a coach, I always drove home the point that if we communicated well as a team, we’d put ourselves in the best position to win. I could walk into any meeting room and strike up a purposeful conversation with the quarterbacks. I could easily discuss route timing with the receivers or rotations with linebackers. Because communicating well was a priority for all of us, it felt like whole team shared a brain. At home with our families, that isn’t always the case.
Communicating with our kids can be hard. Some days, they’re chatterboxes. Others, they’re steel traps. Sometimes, we ask questions and get back one-word responses, if we’re lucky. When that happens to me, it leaves me feeling disconnected as a dad. Maybe this sounds familiar. If so, don’t be discouraged. There are tricks to sparking up conversations in your home. Start with these 5 great questions to ask your kids every week.
“What’s going on in your life?”
This is about them, not you. It shows you’re interested in what matters to them and that you want to find out what’s happening in their lives. This at least gets them thinking, but the goal is to get them sharing. If they’re hesitant to open up, try modifying the question to, “What’s new with your friends?” Sometimes kids are more willing to talk about what their peers are up to, and it opens the door to sharing something personal in the process.
“What made you happy this week?”
The answer to this question gives us the chance to celebrate together. Kids need to know their dad is invested in them. By asking what makes them happy, we are asking for permission to share in their joy. That experience bonds you to your kids and makes them feel valued. Listen carefully to their answer to this question, and then celebrate with them.
“Has anything made you sad this week?”
So many kids are secretly hurting. When we ask our kids what’s bothering them, it gives them a chance to vent and us the chance to empathize. Sadness can be isolating. Sometimes, based on our kid’s behavior, we assume something is wrong when it’s not. It’s OK to swing and miss, misjudging their mood. But we shouldn’t assume everything is fine just because our kids haven’t mentioned anything. If we don’t ask, we may miss opportunities to comfort our kids and to guide them through difficult circumstances. Asking if they’re sad isn’t prying. It’s parenting.
“Was there a problem this week that you had to work through?”
If your child saw a problem and conquered it, great. Praise them! If the issue persists, now you have two options. Ask if they want you to listen and let them handle things or if they need your help finding a solution. Whichever option your child chooses, everybody benefits. In scenario one, you offer support without imposing, which will deepen your child’s trust in you. In scenario two, you become teammates, which may happen more often as your child’s trust in you grows.
“Is there anything you think I need to know?”
We want our kids to know that we’re available. Whether they have good news or bad news, they need to know we always want them to share. The key is to keep calm while you’re listening. When you ask this question, promise that you’ll do that, no matter what they share. If you start flying off the handle or judging, they’ll stop sharing. The goal is open communication. That happens when they know we’re available, safe, and trustworthy.
Sound off: What are your favorite questions to ask your kids each week?
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20 Times Kids Want to Know They’re Loved
“You still love me?” my son asked after he sat on his sister’s violin bow. I closed my eyes and tried to push the bubbling emotions down. When I opened them and found my son peering at me with concern, I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. “Of course I still love you. I know you didn’t mean it. There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you.”
Kids want to know they’re loved no matter what. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, let your kid know you love him, maybe with a hug and a kiss, more times than you think. Here are 20 times when kids want that reassurance that you love them.
Kid Mistakes
1. When they mess up, let someone down, or ruin something you really liked
2. When they’re less than perfect—with grades, sports, words and actions
3. When they think they’ve disappointed you
4. When they feel embarrassed
5. When you yell at them
The reason they need it: Kids typically want to please their parents. So, when they think they didn’t measure up in your eyes, they may need reassurance that your love doesn’t hinge on this one thing.
Dad Mistakes
6. When you forget to pick them up from school
7. When they find their artwork in the trash (because you left it on top)
8. When you miss their game, recital, award ceremony, or teacher conference (because you scheduled something else at the same time)
9. When you can’t chaperone the field trip or volunteer at the class party (after you said you could)
10. When they overhear you saying something critical of them to your wife or a friend
The reason they need it: Everyone wants to feel like a priority in the eyes of someone they love. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 or 55. But kids are still learning they’re not always going to be your sole focus. If you want to know how to make your child feel loved and valued, remind him that even with other things on your mind, your kid’s still number one.
School Mishaps
11. When a friend dumps them
12. When the teacher scolds them, gives them detention, or sends a note (or email) home
13. When the coach benches them or just doesn’t play them
14. When they get picked last for the team or don’t get picked at all for partners in class
15. When they get cut from the team or the play
The reason they need it: When others make your child feel unlikable or don’t value your child’s great qualities, assure her there are others who do. And one of them is you. She wants to know one rejection doesn’t mean everyone will reject her. And your love is that reassurance: My dad loves me. I can get through this. I’m gonna be OK.
Life Mishaps
16. When they lose their hat or lunchbox
17. When they populate the fish tank with school supplies and the fish dies
18. When they leave their new bike outside in the rain and it rusts
19. When they let go of the leash and you spend the afternoon searching for your dog
20. When they stain their new clothes with chocolate, grass, juice, or all three
The reason they need it: Feeling accepted for who they are is so important to kids. If they’re out exploring their world, mishaps will inevitably happen. But that’s part of life. And that’s how they learn. We can’t keep kids tucked safely away all day. They need to have experiences, make choices, and grow from them. Loving your kids through these mishaps gives them the courage and support they need to keep going and keep trying.
Knowing how to make your child feel loved and valued is simple. Let your kids know you love them on bad days as well as good, when they mess up and when they please you, and never let a day go by without that reassurance. “Come here. Gimme a hug. Ya know what? I love you.”
Print out iMOM’s 100 Words of Encouragement for Kids and use it today! Also check out 7 Things a Son Needs From His Father.
Sound off: Knowing how to make your child feel loved and valued starts with expressing your love. How often do you think parents should say “I love you” to their children?
The post 20 Times Kids Want to Know They’re Loved appeared first on All Pro Dad.
15 Ways You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
As a high school coach, I have always emphasized the need for my athletes to get out of their comfort zones. Whether it is a ball handling drill, a lift in the weight room, or giving a talk to younger players, encouraging them to be the best they can be, they need to push themselves to do things that aren’t comfortable.
To be the best dads we can be, it’s important for us to get out of our comfort zones too. Over the years, my insecurities, anxiety, or lack of time have often kept me from entering into uncomfortable situations. However, I have never regretted the times that I have, and you won’t either. Here are 15 ideas for how to get out of your comfort zone.
1. Talk to parents of other kids on the same team/in the same grade.
We may feel shy or awkward talking to other parents. But we will spend a lot of time around them over the years, so it will be good to get to know them, and we might be pleasantly surprised with how much we enjoy it.
2. Show affection to your kids, physically and verbally.
I had a very loving family as I grew up, but we rarely expressed it. Don’t be afraid to show your kids how much you love them. Knowing that they have a safe and loving family will help build their self-confidence and help them recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships in the future.
3. Record a TikTok with your son or daughter.
Want to know how to get out of your comfort zone? Say yes when your kid asks you to do the latest TikTok trend with him or her. This can help us to understand how their technology works, let them know we are willing to take part in their interests, and can create a digital memory of having fun together.
4. Attend your kid’s parent/teacher conference.
We often let the moms take care of these, but participating can be a great way to truly understand how our children are doing in school academically and socially.
5. Help coach your kid’s youth sports team.
Even if we don’t know much about the sport, we can help our kids and their teammates learn about cooperation, leadership, communication and other valuable traits.
6. Attend your daughter’s doctor appointment.
This can be very uncomfortable, especially as our daughters get older. However, it helps us to understand what they are dealing with and might help them to be willing to come to us when they have issues.
7. Say “yes” to a request.
As dads, we often get asked to do things like volunteering at our kids’ school or at our church. It’s much easier to simply say no, but saying yes can be an easy way to become more involved.
8. Be a chaperone for a school field trip.
Taking a day off of work to supervise kids may not sound fun, but it can be a great bonding experience and a good way to get to know our kids’ friends.
9. Take your daughter to get her hair cut.
Know how to get out of your comfort zone? Take your girls to the salon. This is another chance to understand our daughters and one of their common life experiences.
10. Ask your child for advice or an opinion.
We tend to want our kids to think we have all the answers, but asking them for help can help grow their self confidence.
11. Play a video game with your child.
We might have to dance, shoot zombies, or build an empire, and if you’re like me, you’ll probably lose miserably, but spending a little time in your kids’ world can really pay off.
12. Watch some of their favorite movies.
Because of my kids, I’ve watched countless movies that I never would have considered watching otherwise. Now I understand many of their pop-culture references, and I am able to sing along with countless movie songs on their playlists.
13. Talk about your experiences.
It often feels uncomfortable to talk about our childhood experiences, but knowing that we went through some of the same things they are going through can help our credibility when they ask us for advice.
14. Have “the talk” with your child.
I’ll be honest—my wife still makes fun of me for the approach I took when having “the talk” with my son, who has always been very active in 4H and FFA. Since he already has some understanding of reproduction in farm animals, I approached it from that angle. It certainly taught him that he can talk to me about any topic!
15. Start praying with your kids on a daily basis.
We love to show our kids how to do things like throw a ball, drive a car, and fix things around the house. What skill could be more important for us to teach than how to express our faith?
Sound off: When was a time you learned how to get out of your comfort zone and had a positive result?
The post 15 Ways You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone appeared first on All Pro Dad.
3 Things to Teach Your Kids About How to Deal With Stress
In 2023, I was coaching in the minor leagues and our team went on a crazy run near the end of the season where we won 15 games in a row and 17 of our last 19 games. We needed every one of those wins to qualify for the playoffs, which we did on the last day of the season. Every inning mattered, and as the manager, the team looked to me for direction. The end result was great, but it was still a very stressful situation.
In the same way, life can be stressful, and managing it is sometimes difficult. The way you conduct yourself in front of your kids during challenging times is important because they are listening to the words you say and watching the way you respond. Childhood stress is real, and we need to be an example of how to deal with stress well, so we can guide them when they are going through a difficult situation. Here are 3 things to teach your kids about how to deal with stress.
1. Focus on what you can control.
When I coached with the San Francisco Giants, we would bring the players together once per week during spring training to teach them life skills. One meeting I remember vividly was about “controlling the controllables.” The speaker talked to the players about what they can control on the field, like attitude and effort, versus what was out of their control, like a player making a great play on a ball they hit well.
Teaching your kids about what is in their control is huge, especially as they grow up. Things like attitude, effort, emotions, and actions are important attributes for your kids to control. When they are able to do this, it will help them stay levelheaded and make better decisions when they are dealing with stressful situations.
2. Have a positive mindset.
This is something that did not come easy to me. Growing up, I was my own worst critic, and it just got worse when my parents or coaches would come down hard on me. When something good did happen, I would get worried that it wouldn’t last. Instead of focusing on how I could succeed, I focused on how afraid I was to fail.
As a dad, I wanted to change that. I had to work on it, and over time, I saw how words of affirmation and a positive mindset impacted my two boys. Teach your child about being positive when a stressful situation arises and to expect the best outcome. When kids anticipate success, it breeds self-confidence and helps eliminate some childhood stress.
3. Put things into perspective.
When you find yourself in a stressful situation, it can get polarizing, and you can feel out of control if you get hyper-focused on it. When this happens, it’s important to remember times you have overcome difficult situations in the past, which will help you in your present situation.
Teaching your kids how to put things into perspective is an important tool to give them as they grow up. Remind them of a time when they encountered a really stressful situation and how they eventually overcame it. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God.” I believe God is good and trustworthy, so much so that we can be still and trust that He’s going to get us through whatever situation we find ourselves in. If we can practice being still, we’ll stay calm in stressful situations—and if we do this in front of our kids, they’ll learn to do it, too.
Sound off: What are some additional ways you can teach your child about dealing with childhood stress?
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