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20 Things Wives Love to Hear from Their Husbands

BJ Foster | December 19, 2018

The other day I had a thought about my wife. I was in my office thinking about a difficult issue we had with one of our kids the night before. As I thought through it again I marveled at how well she handled it with an amazing balance of firmness and empathy. There was so much grace and wisdom she showed. So I decided to tell her. I was expecting her to smile and thank me. I wasn’t expecting her to be so touched she would start crying. It made her feel valued, respected, validated and made her feel connected to me on a deeper level. I realized that I should say things like that on a regular basis.

Last month, I wrote about 20 things wives hate to hear from their husbands. It was focused on the things we shouldn’t say. Today, we are going to look at what women like to hear. Here are 20 things wives love to hear from their husbands.

Connecting

“So when you say ______ do you mean ______?” It shows her that you are focused on her and what she is thinking and feeling is important.

“I hear you. I understand.” Our wives want to be known. That’s what makes them feel close to us. This lets her know that you get her.

“I’m really glad you told me that.” Whether it is something personally hard for her or a way you hurt her saying this gives her permission to share. It says that you can handle her emotions.

“That sounds really hard. How are you handling it?” Empathy always brings a greater sense of connection. You are letting her know that you are not trying to fix it or dismiss her pain. There are times when our wives want us to fix things, but most of the time they want us to just walk with them in their struggle.


There are times when our wives want us to fix things, but most of the time they want us to just walk with them in their struggle.
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“I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all day.” It lets her know that when you are away from her that your desire is to be with her. She is important enough to think about throughout the day.

Respectful

“I’m so sorry.” This could be an apology for something done that hurt her which respects her as a person. However, this could also be a response to something difficult she is dealing with. It respects both her emotional response and her ability to solve it without your input (unless she is looking for it).

“What do you think?” It tells her that her opinion is helpful, influential, and valuable. You are communicating she is smart with a valid point of view.

“I’ve been thinking about something you said…” Again, a statement like this tells her that what she says is meaningful enough for you to deliberate on it. It honors her mind and her words. It affirms her impact on you.

“If you were in my shoes, what would you do?” Again, you trust her opinion and respect her advice.

“For dinner, I was thinking of ________ . Would you like me to make it?” You don’t have an expectation that she cook dinner, while also taking the initiative. It communicates that you are willing to serve her.

Validating

“You have every right to feel that way.” This gives her permission to release what she is feeling rather than hold it in. It allows her to be vulnerable and fully herself with you.

“I should have handled that differently.” Our wives appreciate when we take responsibility. It lets her know that you understand how you may have hurt her. We are also putting ourselves in a position of vulnerability.

“You’re really good at that.” Our wives can have a lot of self-doubt about their abilities as a wife, a mom, their job, the way they do things, etc. This statement gives them much needed affirmation and encouragement.

“I’ll do that. Why don’t you rest, you do enough around here.” Most wives do a lot for the family that gets overlooked. This communicates that you recognize it and see it all. In addition to that…

“I don’t know how you do it all.” With this statement, you are recognizing her abilities and the care with which she operates. It gives her credit for all of the ways she serves the family and the value she adds.

Valuing

“I love you.” At the core of every woman they want to know that they are lovable. You can certainly tell her this in a variety of ways, but make sure you do it every day.

“You look beautiful.” This is what women like to hear from their husbands because it shows you still value her attractiveness and the effort she makes to look good.

“You’re an amazing mom.” Moms need to hear this because they tend to compare and then beat themselves up for their shortcomings. Most put their heart and soul into being a good mom. When you say this it tells her, “I see your love and care for our children and I am grateful.”

“There’s no one I’d rather be with right now than you.” She is the most important person in the world to you. When it comes to other things you could be doing or people you could be with, she wins again, and again, and again.

“I know I don’t say it enough, but I really appreciate everything you do.” You can’t communicate your appreciation for her and her efforts enough. This is another example. Don’t let a day go by where she feels taken for granted. When you see it, tell her.

The post 20 Things Wives Love to Hear from Their Husbands appeared first on All Pro Dad.

4 Ways to Overcome Wounds from Your Father

Joe Martin | November 27, 2018

I have a confession. Most of my adult life, I hated men. Why? Because growing up in the projects of Miami as the son of a teenage mother, I lived in a community where I never saw one boy with his dad. I know that sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. How is that possible? Look no further than my own home. My own father left us when I was only 2 years old, so I became part of a dysfunctional community picture that didn’t make any sense to me as a boy. My father’s absence didn’t just leave a space in our home, it left a hole in my heart that all of my friends, unfortunately, could relate to. Most of us tried to fill our dad-sized holes with anything we could find to hide the pain; but I didn’t know we would carry those “man holes” into manhood.

After a porn addiction, a divorce, and multiple affairs, I realize now that I could never fully grasp God’s love as a Father until I was willing to let go of the old wounds of my own father. And with the help of my faith, family, and friends, I was able to overcome those wounds in 4 simple, but not easy steps.

1. Acknowledge the wound

In addition to my father’s abandonment, another man in my family sexually abused me as a child. So, I had to be honest with myself about the wounds these men caused.

In my twenties, I lived in a state of denial. I didn’t want to admit the wounds even existed. And like most men, when we refuse to acknowledge our old wounds, we suppress our emotions by either isolating, sedating, or overcompensating; I did all three. It wasn’t until I acknowledged the wound that I began to heal from it.

2. Express the wound

It’s one thing to acknowledge your feelings of hurt, anger, fear, or shame; it’s another to verbally express it.

I didn’t express the anger from my father’s abandonment and the shame of a family member’s abuse until I was in my thirties. I didn’t know that two decades of silence would cost me more than the abandonment and the abuse ever did. But when I was finally able to put my emotions into words, that’s when my old wounds started to heal.

3. Share the wound

It took me until I was in my forties to realize that a man is only as strong as the number of stronger men he has on his team.

As I was watching a football game this past weekend, I noticed that whenever a player got injured on the field, a teammate would immediately come alongside him to either help him stand up or ask another teammate to help carry him to the sideline. We’ve wounded at one time or another, but no man should ever hurt alone. I started to heal once I expressed my wound, but I got stronger when I started sharing my old wounds with other men.

4. Release the wound

How do you forget the wounds of a father who may have abandoned, abused, angered, rejected, ignored, discouraged, or failed to affirm you? You don’t. You don’t have to forget it; you just have to forgive them and release it.


You don’t have to forget it; you just have to forgive them and release it.
Click To Tweet


Forgiving my father and the man who abused me was one of the toughest things I ever had to do until I realized that forgiveness is not something you give to others, it’s a gift from God that you give to yourself. By forgiving my offenders, I no longer had to live in my self-manufactured prison of anger, bitterness, resentment, and distrust (of men). Forgiving them was me choosing to release myself to love others freely.

Acknowledging, expressing, sharing, and releasing my wound allowed me to receive God’s love to heal from it.

The post 4 Ways to Overcome Wounds from Your Father appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Types of Sex All Couples Should Have

All Pro Dad | November 28, 2018

This post was written by one of our female writers on our iMOM platform. Use it to have an open and honest discussion with your wife to hopefully improve intimacy.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I didn’t give much thought to the types of sex all couples should have. Within a few years, though, he was assigned a work shift of 4 pm to midnight, which easily could have taken a huge toll on our intimacy. The odd work shift challenged us to get really good at planning sex. He eventually moved back to a day shift, but planned sex is still a vital aspect of our lovemaking.

There are types of sex all couples should have if they want to not only navigate the journey of marriage but also enjoy it. Here are 5 types of sex all couples should have.

Planned Sex

When it comes to the types of sex all couples should have, not too many people have a positive outlook on planned sex. We tend to think that if we schedule it, then it will lack the romance we associate with good lovemaking. That mindset, though, could be hurting sexual intimacy in your marriage.

A better truth to embrace is that many of the best moments in our lives are planned. Vacations. Lunch dates with friends. Birthday celebrations. Holiday gatherings. Maybe a better word would be intentional. When you and your wife intentionally set aside time to make love, you are saying with your words and actions sex is a priority. With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.


With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.
Click To Tweet


Spontaneous Sex

Yes, I just was singing the praises of planned sex, but couples also should be having spontaneous sex! When you and your wife make the most of the sexual opportunity windows that open with little notice, you keep the passion alive. Spontaneous sex is unscripted, sometimes quick and sometimes drawn out, but always powerful in reminding a couple of the freedom and fun found in sexual pleasure.

As for the types of sex all couples should have, spontaneous sex possibly is the one we should pursue the most. Doing so sets in place a healthy pattern of sexual oneness, the effects of which are profound to your overall relationship.

Stress-Relief Sex

I remember an evening when I pulled into the driveway after picking up my son from basketball practice, only to see two people trying to break in our basement door. They ran away, of course, and never did gain entry. Both my husband and I were shaken by the experience as we reflected on it later that night. Do you know what I wanted to do more than anything else in that moment of angst and uncertainty? I wanted to make love. Why? I needed the comfort and assurance of being in my husband’s arms to quell my anxious heart.

I’ve talked with enough couples to know that stress-relief sex is uniquely reassuring. It is a type of comfort only the two of you can give each other, which makes it even more tender and intimate. When life’s unpredictability and tragedy throw you off course, consider connecting sexually with your wife. Lovemaking releases endorphins and hormones that naturally help us sleep better and give us a better outlook on life. Often, the best thing you can do after a stressful day is have sex.

Selfless Sex

Sometimes you have to take one for the team. Calling this team sex seemed inappropriate, so let’s go with selfless sex. There are times when you don’t feel like having sex, but you should consider it because you and your wife are a team. It’s not that you can’t say “no,” because marriage should be a place of grace where you can decline sex for legitimate reasons. Is your desire to say “no” rooted in a legitimate reason? If not, then consider how beneficial it could be to make love to your wife. The key to this is to respond to her initiation kindly, rather than begrudgingly. Ask her to do the same when you want to have sex, but she isn’t in the mood.

Adventurous Sex

All couples should have sex that is occasionally adventurous. Adventurous can mean anything from trying a new position or touch to drawing out foreplay to having sex someplace other than your bed. As long as you are maintaining exclusivity and privacy, you have tremendous freedom to find new ways to sexually please each other.

The post Types of Sex All Couples Should Have appeared first on All Pro Dad.

Types of Sex All Couples Should Have

All Pro Dad | November 28, 2018

This post was written by one of our female writers on our iMOM platform. Use it to have an open and honest discussion with your wife to hopefully improve intimacy.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I didn’t give much thought to the types of sex all couples should have. Within a few years, though, he was assigned a work shift of 4 pm to midnight, which easily could have taken a huge toll on our intimacy. The odd work shift challenged us to get really good at planning sex. He eventually moved back to a day shift, but planned sex is still a vital aspect of our lovemaking.

There are types of sex all couples should have if they want to not only navigate the journey of marriage but also enjoy it. Here are 5 types of sex all couples should have.

Planned Sex

When it comes to the types of sex all couples should have, not too many people have a positive outlook on planned sex. We tend to think that if we schedule it, then it will lack the romance we associate with good lovemaking. That mindset, though, could be hurting sexual intimacy in your marriage.

A better truth to embrace is that many of the best moments in our lives are planned. Vacations. Lunch dates with friends. Birthday celebrations. Holiday gatherings. Maybe a better word would be intentional. When you and your wife intentionally set aside time to make love, you are saying with your words and actions sex is a priority. With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.


With the chaotic schedules many of us face on any given day, if we aren’t planning at least some of our sexual encounters, we’re probably not having much sex.
Click To Tweet


Spontaneous Sex

Yes, I just was singing the praises of planned sex, but couples also should be having spontaneous sex! When you and your wife make the most of the sexual opportunity windows that open with little notice, you keep the passion alive. Spontaneous sex is unscripted, sometimes quick and sometimes drawn out, but always powerful in reminding a couple of the freedom and fun found in sexual pleasure.

As for the types of sex all couples should have, spontaneous sex possibly is the one we should pursue the most. Doing so sets in place a healthy pattern of sexual oneness, the effects of which are profound to your overall relationship.

Stress-Relief Sex

I remember an evening when I pulled into the driveway after picking up my son from basketball practice, only to see two people trying to break in our basement door. They ran away, of course, and never did gain entry. Both my husband and I were shaken by the experience as we reflected on it later that night. Do you know what I wanted to do more than anything else in that moment of angst and uncertainty? I wanted to make love. Why? I needed the comfort and assurance of being in my husband’s arms to quell my anxious heart.

I’ve talked with enough couples to know that stress-relief sex is uniquely reassuring. It is a type of comfort only the two of you can give each other, which makes it even more tender and intimate. When life’s unpredictability and tragedy throw you off course, consider connecting sexually with your wife. Lovemaking releases endorphins and hormones that naturally help us sleep better and give us a better outlook on life. Often, the best thing you can do after a stressful day is have sex.

Selfless Sex

Sometimes you have to take one for the team. Calling this team sex seemed inappropriate, so let’s go with selfless sex. There are times when you don’t feel like having sex, but you should consider it because you and your wife are a team. It’s not that you can’t say “no,” because marriage should be a place of grace where you can decline sex for legitimate reasons. Is your desire to say “no” rooted in a legitimate reason? If not, then consider how beneficial it could be to make love to your wife. The key to this is to respond to her initiation kindly, rather than begrudgingly. Ask her to do the same when you want to have sex, but she isn’t in the mood.

Adventurous Sex

All couples should have sex that is occasionally adventurous. Adventurous can mean anything from trying a new position or touch to drawing out foreplay to having sex someplace other than your bed. As long as you are maintaining exclusivity and privacy, you have tremendous freedom to find new ways to sexually please each other.

The post Types of Sex All Couples Should Have appeared first on All Pro Dad.

4 Ways to Overcome Wounds from Your Father

Joe Martin | November 27, 2018

I have a confession. Most of my adult life, I hated men. Why? Because growing up in the projects of Miami as the son of a teenage mother, I lived in a community where I never saw one boy with his dad. I know that sounds unbelievable, but it’s true. How is that possible? Look no further than my own home. My own father left us when I was only 2 years old, so I became part of a dysfunctional community picture that didn’t make any sense to me as a boy. My father’s absence didn’t just leave a space in our home, it left a hole in my heart that all of my friends, unfortunately, could relate to. Most of us tried to fill our dad-sized holes with anything we could find to hide the pain; but I didn’t know we would carry those “man holes” into manhood.

After a porn addiction, a divorce, and multiple affairs, I realize now that I could never fully grasp God’s love as a Father until I was willing to let go of the old wounds of my own father. And with the help of my faith, family, and friends, I was able to overcome those wounds in 4 simple, but not easy steps.

1. Acknowledge the wound

In addition to my father’s abandonment, another man in my family sexually abused me as a child. So, I had to be honest with myself about the wounds these men caused.

In my twenties, I lived in a state of denial. I didn’t want to admit the wounds even existed. And like most men, when we refuse to acknowledge our old wounds, we suppress our emotions by either isolating, sedating, or overcompensating; I did all three. It wasn’t until I acknowledged the wound that I began to heal from it.

2. Express the wound

It’s one thing to acknowledge your feelings of hurt, anger, fear, or shame; it’s another to verbally express it.

I didn’t express the anger from my father’s abandonment and the shame of a family member’s abuse until I was in my thirties. I didn’t know that two decades of silence would cost me more than the abandonment and the abuse ever did. But when I was finally able to put my emotions into words, that’s when my old wounds started to heal.

3. Share the wound

It took me until I was in my forties to realize that a man is only as strong as the number of stronger men he has on his team.

As I was watching a football game this past weekend, I noticed that whenever a player got injured on the field, a teammate would immediately come alongside him to either help him stand up or ask another teammate to help carry him to the sideline. We’ve wounded at one time or another, but no man should ever hurt alone. I started to heal once I expressed my wound, but I got stronger when I started sharing my old wounds with other men.

4. Release the wound

How do you forget the wounds of a father who may have abandoned, abused, angered, rejected, ignored, discouraged, or failed to affirm you? You don’t. You don’t have to forget it; you just have to forgive them and release it.


You don’t have to forget it; you just have to forgive them and release it.
Click To Tweet


Forgiving my father and the man who abused me was one of the toughest things I ever had to do until I realized that forgiveness is not something you give to others, it’s a gift from God that you give to yourself. By forgiving my offenders, I no longer had to live in my self-manufactured prison of anger, bitterness, resentment, and distrust (of men). Forgiving them was me choosing to release myself to love others freely.

Acknowledging, expressing, sharing, and releasing my wound allowed me to receive God’s love to heal from it.

The post 4 Ways to Overcome Wounds from Your Father appeared first on All Pro Dad.

7 Manly Qualities Your Son Won’t Learn Playing Video Games or Watching News

Derek Maul | November 26, 2018

The latest data suggests that teenage boys are spending more time than ever playing video games. A corollary truth is that every hour spent gaming is one less hour engaged in relationship building with real people in real time. When it comes to learning manly definition and qualities, dads seriously need to be deep in the conversation.

Dads may not be able to follow their kids to school every day or turn into an avatar to stalk them online. But we can be more intentional about investing the time we do have to teach what it really means to be “manly” and to counter the destructive messages perpetuated on screen and in the incessant news cycle. Here are 7 “manly” qualities your son won’t learn playing video games or watching the news.


But we can be more intentional about investing the time we do have to teach what it really means to be manly.
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1. Dependability

Whatever your son’s age, help him pick a responsibility that requires daily attention. Not for himself but for the family, or someone else (walks dog… takes out the garbage… make coffee… lock the doors…) Then, teach him how to follow through. “This is what men do, son. Men keep their commitments.”

2. Kindness

Show this via constant example and deliberate practice. Teach him to be the kid who demonstrates compassion and treats others tenderly. Tell him, “Kindness is a special quality of tough. It takes a real man to be kind.”

3. Courage

The courage to do what is right. Stand between the victim and the bully; speak the truth even when it is unpopular. Talk with your son about injustices that concern him and then help him develop some kind of an action plan.

4. Action

Why spend so many hours a day playing on devices when those hours could be used to actually “do” something? Teach him to take apart an engine and put it together, how to fix an appliance, how to build shelving… the options are endless.

5. Make a Difference

Channel that action into being a change agent. Manly means effecting positive change in this world. Manly means being a leader who makes the world around him better for everyone.

6. Selflessness

Stop on the highway to help change a tire – together. Hold the door for people (men and women both). Encourage him to do odd jobs for an elderly neighbor. Teach him to always put others first.

7. Generosity

From day one encourage/require regular giving from both allowance and earnings. Donating (good) toys and (new) clothes. Teach generosity of time, teach generosity of spirit. The lesson here is that it is manly to actually have something to give. It is manly to be the person who can make things better for someone else.

The post 7 Manly Qualities Your Son Won’t Learn Playing Video Games or Watching News appeared first on All Pro Dad.